Something's DIfferent

Like my blog title states, something is different and I'm not exactly sure why save for the fact that God has intervened. As I mentioned last week, I received the anointing of the sick on Sunday and, though I'd been told that it can help people, I wasn't expecting anything to really change. Well, I should have had more faith in God's endless mercy! These past seven days have been better than they've been in a long time. Many of the weird symptoms seem to be gone. The tingling hands and feet sensation is even dissipating, which I never thought would go away.
I did get to this alternative doctor last Monday and brought my blood work with me from Dr. J (my Lyme doctor who I'll now be seeing Nov 12th! one month sooner than anticipated :) and she said she didn't think I needed to be put on any bio-identical thyroid since my thyroid level wasn't that low, and didn't want to give me thyroid when I didn't need it because having too much of it can cause its own side effects. She is suspicious I might be having a reverse T3 problem, which doesn't show up on routine blood tests, and advised I get blood drawn in three weeks to see if my thyroid count gets better or worse. For now she simply said to eat more egg yolks (high in vitamin A) and to put iodine on my wrists overnight so my body could absorb it in small doses to help support my thyroid. We ended our session with her giving me an injection of vitamin B complex to increase my energy and support my adrenals in case they were being taxed. Interestingly, she's suspicious that my issues could be related to the fact that I'm breastfeeding, but couldn't say for sure, and was willing to admit she couldn't give me a diagnosis for what was causing my problems, but wanted to keep an eye on me. She suspects much of what I'm experiencing is oddly related somehow, but my ailments are not her specialization and she gave me the best advice she could offer given her experience. And for that, I greatly respect her.
I can't tell you how much I loved this doctor. She was the first doctor I've met who agreed with so much of what I believe regarding treating illnesses (i.e. through lifestyle changes, using natural methods of supplementation over drugs, not blindly prescribing a medication for a problem, admitting when you don't know the cause of a problem, etc). It was a breath of fresh air meeting her and I would love to go to her more often since, get this, she takes insurance! Unfortunately, she isn't close and it took me nearly an hour to get to her office and even longer to get home since I have to drive through the city to get there. AnyhowI'm happy to know where to find her when I need her.
But it's hard to believe that so many of my symptoms have gone away merely because she gave me a shot of B vitamins. It's not something I'm too familiar with, so maybe that's all I needed, but I've got to say, it's been so nice to feel well again! God be praised! I'm almost afraid to think that I am well since I've had my hopes raised in the past only to have them falsified, but perhaps this time things will be different :)
I am currently reading a book by Suzanne Somers called "Bombshell" and I recommend you get yourself a copy. She's collected information obtained through interviews she performed from some of the best alternative, anti-aging doctors from around the country and compiled them into this addictive little liber. It's funny because some of the secrets they reveal about taking various supplements for this or that ailment or for adrenal, or thyroid, or brain support, I've already taken. Some of these include Pregnenelone and DHEA. The one that I had not heard of is CoQ10. The thing I don't know though is if I should get back to taking them once I'm not breastfeeding. I'll probably wait and see how I'm feeling at that time and then decide. Anyhow, I'm not quite done with the book, but she is helping many people get well from the myriad of problems they're facing that traditional docs don't have answers for. Sadly these alternative docs don't get the respect that the former docs get since what they do is often not recommended by the FDA because well, they don't prescribe drugs left and right, but rather treat people without the aid of pharmaceutical drugs. Heaven forbid pharmaceutical companies don't get a kick back from every doctor!
The one caveat I offer to the  book is that Suzanne is obsessed with living really long and trying to get humans to live over 100 and still look "young". I think it's all a little extreme because well, this isn't our eternal home and in some ways, the faster we get off this messed up planet the better. Not that I'm looking for that to happen just yet, but I don't agree that one should desire to live and look 20 when you're 90 because there is something in the world of physics called entropy, which means that all things begin to break down and decay over time and given we are a part of matter, so too will we age and decay and break down over time. I had to laugh when she spoke about Jack Lalanne dying so young at age 96 and complained how he should have lived longer. At that point I had to skim the page since I think she's forgetting why we're on this planet in the first place. It isn't to live forever. I don't want to discourage anyone from reading her book since it is full of some rather insightful information and could help those of you out there looking for more answers, however, I felt the need to give that warning.
Other than that, I had a lovely week of spending time with my children and getting out and playing in the beautiful autumnal leaves as much as I can since we're having a beautiful fall out our way and am trying to soak in as much Vitamin D as I can. Totally hate dealing with SAD!
Well, I need to get off this thing; it's getting late and I've been pulling late nights nearly every night so I should try and rest. They say the best way to restore hormone imbalance is through sleeping :) So off I go. Good night everyone and may God bless you!

Facing Fear

My husband is out for the night so I have a moment to write, with baby in arm mind you, but will try to get as much out before I get tired of typing with one hand. These last two days have been a little scary for me. The tingling in my hands and feet have now turned into a numbing feeling that has extended to my mouth and jaw. It's the strangest feeling and rather disturbing actually. This dizziness is also becoming stronger and though I'm trying so hard to distract myself from the odd sensations I'm experiencing, it's hard to ignore. I have an appointment on Monday to see an alternative doc who works with anti-aging herbs and supplements and will hopefully check my hormones to see about getting them back in order since I assume they're imbalanced.

We had a busy weekend though which helped my morale and thank God for that. My husband's co- worker had an Octoberfest party that we all attended last night and I had a lovely time hanging out with his guests. Very nice people and yes, they were Italian which is always a plus for me :) Anyway, last night I had a cathartic moment and needed to cry. There are moments when the weariness of always feeling unwell is just too much to bear and yesterday was one of them. It could be exacerbated by the fact that my prayer life is struggling right now because whenever I have a heart to heart with God, and by that I mean getting into real mental prayer and opening up my soul to that first mansion that St. Theresa speaks of, I find I am scared to go to Him, and I am trying desperately to discern why. It's as though the thought that God loves me pushes me away from Him since I don't know how to really believe it with all the things I've had to deal with in my life. I know everyone has their crosses, and that I am just one of the millions of people who has to carry theirs, but the desire for closeness with the One who is allowing them to weigh upon me is difficult. I am afraid of His love when it demands I suffer so much. Perhaps that is wrong of me to say, but it's the truth. Believe me, I want to love God, and I want to get to heaven, but I don't know how it's possible to achieve being so weak and so intimidated by what it requires of me. If I have to live with this mysterious illness for the rest of my life, it will be hard and I pray that God will strengthen me to follow His will, but some days I don't know how I will. It gets depressing having one thing happen after another. I'm only 32 and feel like I'm 60. The brain fog is getting worse and I fight to remember things I was talking about just seconds ago. It bothers me terribly.

Today at our local church they were offering the sacrament of the anointing of the sick. I felt driven to attend since I figured I am sick, despite the fact that I don't know what it is that's making me feel this way, and need all the help I can get, whether physical or spiritual. It was a very moving experience and very humbling as well. I am not one who likes to stand out in a crowd, but today it was hard for me not to. This spirit of sadness and fear and longing for God's help welled up from deep inside me, causing me to weep so intensely thus making it hard for me to appear discreet. I just wanted to bury my head in the floor and disappear, however this time I couldn't. Some dear woman saw me upset and came over to tell me she saw me praying intently and wanted me to know she was praying for me and for whatever was troubling me. I was so touched and wanted to take her and hold her close to me, but that would have been weird for her so I didn't. But it meant more than she will ever know, knowing that she cared enough to pray for me and to tell me too. God bless that sweet woman.

A few minutes passed and the priest called everyone up to the altar and had us offer some intercessory prayers and then we lined up as though we were receiving communion and he anointed our forehead and palms. It was a very simple thing, yet I felt so comforted by it and pray that should I not be healed physically, that I at least be given the strength to walk with Him in peace and resignation, knowing that  whatever happens to me, whatever bothersome things I have to endure, that He is with me helping me every day to face it with Him.

By no coincidence, later this afternoon, my husband and I attended our local symphony's production of Mozart's "Requiem Mass". It was so beautifully dark and full of passion and haunting melodies. This music reached somewhere so deep within my soul it was almost a supernatural experience for me-- again another reason why I cry at concerts, or anywhere I hear exceptionally beautiful music. I try to surround myself with these ethereal arrangements of music to remind me, and to instruct my children, that in all things beautiful we can find a little piece of God. I want them to always remember me as a mother who gave them beauty in all it's many varieties. For without beauty, we are cold and sterile and bereft of the joys of the heart and that is not what I want for my children.

Anyhow, getting back to the concert, I found it interesting that the program commented on Death and how we have become a society afraid of Death, a reality that Mozart went so far as to call his "best friend". He said that he'd became so familiar with Death that he no longer feared her, but welcomed her whenever she would come for him. How far we are from this state of mind! I confess that I myself am a victim of fear of Death- why I started getting anxiety attacks at age 9 when my hamster died. I know she is not to be feared if we are in friendship with God, but I think therein lies the problem; so many of us are not working on building that friendship. We get lost in the routine of life and lose sight of the goal, i.e. eternal happiness and union with our Creator.

From my perspective, I think I would not fear Death so much if, as I told God today, I didn't have children. See, I worry about them, and I wonder if I will be there for them when they are older, like my mother has been for me. But like I've been told before, everything is a gift and nothing is ours, not even our children. God can take care of them without me, and though this is a hard thing to consider, it's true. Many people have lost their parents at young ages. Mozart, and even the conductor of this orchestra, lost their mothers at a  young age. While it's not ideal, it's something I have to be open to. All of us with children have to be open to that. Eternity is our home and we have to remember that. Why do we cling so much to this fallen world? The unknown is scary for us, and I for one am someone who struggles doing anything unfamiliar or unplanned. But in my heart I know there is going to be a journey I will have to take to a place I do not know and where no one can go with me. It's a frightening thought, but I have to make an act of faith and hope in the God that I, in my mind, know loves me, but who I fight to let get closer to me. Why must love be so painful for me to embrace? To want and not want. To desire and yet be afraid to get too close. Lord, break these fears that hold me back from You! Fix this broken vessel you've created. Help me be what you desire and to walk blindly in the shadow of Your cross.

Thanks for listening to me emote this evening. It's been a difficult couple days. Blessings upon you all. Good night.

Lyme to me

So I've been trying to get an idea as to whether or not I have Lyme or if I'm dealing with anothe viral infection that's mirroring Lyme and it's driving me crazy. Because now I've discovered that I can give Lyme to my baby through breast feeding and that's pretty darn serious. Needless to say the drama continues.

See these past ten days I've continued to have a lot of weird things. This time, however, I got different symptoms which include: tooth pains; severe neck, shoulder and back pains; some slight light headedness if I tilt my head; and a new rash on my foot.  I'm continuing to stay on the paleo diet though it doesn't seem to be doing anything to improve my symptoms. I still get headaches and while I have cheated on occasion it hasn't really made that much of a difference from when I've been off it from when I've been on it. I do notice that I get abdominal pains after I eat glutenous foods, so I'm trying to avoid those at all costs, but as a substitute I've been eating corn chips and potato chips from time to time just to save me from a crash moment. But going back to the neck aches, it seems to be going further up my neck almost into my skull. When I move my head sharply it feels like a sharp pain going right up my head. I called my chiro to ask what they thought it could be and they said a pinched nerve, and I hope he is right.

The strange thing is that I went to my chiro just last week and had a decent session, but I didn't feel like I was adjusted fully since, when I went home, my shoulder hurt as much as it did before I left. He was focusing mostly on my gallbladder and though that's fine and good, I wish he massaged my shoulder more. Anyway, I need to go to another chiro that's closer so I don't have to drive 30 minutes all the time to get realigned. As an aside, BCBS of PA is now limiting my chiro visits to only 8 a year down from 12 and anything over 8 they need to receive an explanation from my doctor that tells them why I need to continue getting adjusted and if they don't feel it's necessary, then I have to pay $40 per visit. It's outrageous what's happening to health care. They're trying so hard to cut back spending and yet they're going after one of the few areas of modern medicine that's helping restore people's health and not merely giving people bandaids or drugs to help them think they're better. Absolute insanity. Don't get me wrong, I believe medicine has its place, but I think more people would be better served to have their bodies detoxified and be given things (i.e. supplements) and foods that would naturally restore their health. 

Anyhow, one thing I've noticed is that I always have a tough time keeping my adjustment. When I was seeing the NUCCA doc, I would constantly lose my adjustment , and I mean a day or two from being seen. which I couldn't understand since I wan't doing anything strenuous. When I'd ask him why it was happening, he just said it was my body and there was no way of knowing for sure. Great.  All I can say is that right now I am in a lot more pain in my back and neck than I've been in over a year and don't know why. Is it Lyme related or simply due to being out of alignment? Big question mark right now and I wish I had more answers since arthritic pain in the neck and shoulders is a huge red flag for people who have early stages of Lyme. 

And this brings me back to what I said earlier. Do I or don't I continue breastfeeding? I've read horrible testimonies about mom's who've done this and have felt terrible all their lives because of it. I do not want to be one of those people. I did talk to my kids pediatrician and asked him to have my kids tested and thank God they all came back negative, however, is that reliable or not? How does anyone know for sure if they have it? AHH!

The blood tests are so hard to trust and that makes the whole situation so hard to judge! With my having a positive on the ELISA, I read that it is possible to get a false positive if:

The antibodies to the infectious organism triggering the antibodies are not the Lyme spirochetes. Other organisms that can trigger such antibodies include syphilis and relapsing fever. Dental infections may trigger a false positive response.

The patient may have been infected with Lyme disease previously and harbor antibodies to the disease."                                                                                                                  Taken from here

So what I don't understand is if I've had Lyme before how can I not have it now since I was never treated for it? And if I don't have Lyme, then I might have one of the other mentioned issues which I'm pretty sure I don't have so does that mean since I don't have any of those issues that I do have Lyme? Who knows!?

I got the script for a ton of blood work from the one traditional doc in Hermitage that I was going to go to, (changed it since the earliest I could see him was in December so I switched it to this other Indian doc aforementioned) and had all the testing done. Those results were looked at today by another local homeopathic doc who said that I do not have Lyme since my West. Blot was negative. However it came to my attention that this Hermitage doctor doesn't test for Lyme using the ELISA so, again, I don't know what to think. The girl on the phone told me that my thyroid was low and should have that treated. That I'll likely go to a new PCP for. I'm ditching the last lady.  

Oh and before I forget, I want to take a moment to promote a documentary I recently discovered that exposes the controversy surrounding Lyme disease. It is very eye opening and I encourage everyone to watch it. You can find it on Netflix watch it now. The trailer is below.

 Well, I am getting sleepy so I need to sign off. I hope to have some answers to all of this soon. It will be good to finally be seen come the end of the month. I just want to someone to give me an explanation for all these maddening health mysterious. It's enough to drive one to drink, which I would if only I knew it wouldn't cause me to get worse ;) Tata for now. Ciao!

The Last Two Days

How am I feeling? Like I am near death. Honestly, it has been so freaky what's going on that I am getting nervous. My body feels like it's got a virus permeating throughout it, going into my bones and muscles down my neck, shoulders and back and is not able to get out. Last night I was up so much, one because my baby was awake a lot, and two, because I felt as though I had a fever, but I didn't. I just had that unsettled feeling you get when you have a fever and you are restless and want to move, but don't because you're so incredibly exhausted to begin with. Not knowing what to do, I got up, went into my kitchen and took a garlic pill and some ginger supplements after being inspired to do so. You see, last year I took this drawing class and the instructor was a cancer surviver and talked all about her health issues during our class, annoying to no end, but nevertheless somewhat beneficial to me. Anyway, she told us that the one food that is great for combatting cancer and a number of other diseases is garlic. When that thought crossed my mind as I lay there dwelling on what in the heck is happening to me, I remembered that I had some and figured why not. Take it and see what happens. It's nice having a little bit of every natural herb and supplement on the market. It's like having my own personal homeopathic pharmacy at my fingertips. Whenever something comes up like this, I can go into my cupboard and get what I need. Speaking of which, I need to get a Vitacost order in soon. They have the best prices on great organic natural stuff. Highly recommend them. OK back to my point.
So I had a really horrible night and could hardly pray I was so distracted by the feelings that have been coming over me. The nausea and vomiting stopped thank God, but no explanation as to why I got it in the first place. Just a passing thing I guess.
Yesterday I went to my chiro and he adjusted me which I needed tremendously, but he also recommended I start an RNA supplement along with aloe vera juice and something else from Standard Process to help with my gallbladder since it's been aggravated ever time I've visited him and he thought this one thing would help calm it down. I can't remember the name off hand since I didn't buy it there given he was out of stock. Doesn't matter though since I'm not taking it. What I am taking right now is Catalyn, Cataplex B, Omega 3, Calcium Magnesium, Vit D, sometimes a teaspoon of coconut oil and then the aloe gel. I offer up the pain it takes to swallow down some of this stuff since it is nasty! The texture is gag worthy. Ugh! How I pray that all of this suffering is doing some good in the spiritual world. That is the one way that I am surviving not losing my mind completely right now.  For whatever reason, God is willing I go through this and I have to accept it, while trying to correct it, but also endure it with as much peace as I can. Not easy when you have three babes to care for who rely on you for everything. I have no time to rest save on the weekend when my husband is home, and even then he needs a break too. My house is going to pot, which I hate, but have no choice right now. There is only so much I can do and something has to take the hit so that's what I've chosen. My laundry is always behind and my ironing has been sitting around for weeks now. How I pray I will feel healthy again so I can get back to what I need to be doing, i.e. being a wife and mommy again.
I forgot to mention that I also when to my GP yesterday since I wanted to see what she'd say about all the things I've been going through and, lo and behold, she lived up my low expectations and told me just what I knew she would say, making me feel like a complete idiot. Oh, yes, all of my problems can be pointed to the fact that I have three children close together. Of course, my body is going to be tired and of course things are out of whack, that's to be expected. So no, everything else that I've experienced is just my oversensitive, hypochondriatic self taking things much to seriously. The blank stare she gave me when I told her what's going on and her telling me that's it's "normal" made me want to scream. I have determined that traditional docs are absolutely useless, i.e. unless you fit within the medical box that they think you should fit so nicely into. It's all such crap. The medical profession has fallen so far from what they are meant to be. They seem to care so little for people anymore. Everything is just a "what's your problem? here's a drug, now take it and shut up" attitude.
Today things went a little better. We went over to my husband's sister's home to attend mass offered by his priest brother in honor of the feast of St. Michael. It was a sacrifice to go since there was much to do around the house but I didn't care, we needed to get out and be with others. My neck is still very stiff and it hurts to move it a certain way and, again, I have no idea why. The muscles in my back near my sides feels like it's inflamed, or like I've pulled it from doing strenuous exercise despite the fact that I haven't exercised at all since last Monday. This body of mine, I'll tell ya.
Well, on the positive side, I had a lovely day snuggling with my kids, esp my little boy who is such a mommy's boy and a veritable cute pie. Nothing beats his hugs and kisses. Laying in bed with all my kids is something I could do all the time. Such happy times. Thank you Jesus for these better moments in my life, how I treasure them, now more than ever. Bless us Lord, and keep us under the shadow of Thy wing. 
Planning on seeing a 79 year old Indian doctor who lives quite a distance to help treat these symptoms.He's said to be good at helping treat Lyme.  His name S. Chandra Swami. Here's hoping he can give me some relief. 
Good night y'all.

Recent Symptoms

This is going to be a quickie since I need to get these down before I forget them and I have a lot going on right now.

In the last three days this is what I've been experiencing:
1. Irregular mensis. 38 days and not typical bf.
2. Low body temp. High at end of day 96.9 degrees
3. Extreme fatigue
4. Body aches all over neck, shoulders and back- come and go one day to the next for no given reason
5. Brain fog
6. Tingly hands and feet
7. Sudden nausea and vomiting last night
8. Abdominal pains
Body weigh in this morning 38.7- lowest it's been so far.

Going to see my chiro this morning to have myself adjusted to help boost my immune system. Am feeling scared and worried that I might have multiple things going on here. Am also suspicious that I do have Lyme and am terrified that I have given it to at least one of my kids- the baby. Feeling so much like Beatrice Rappucchini like never before. My heart is so sick with concern and am seeking help through various routes, traditional and alternative medicine doctors. More to come.

More on Lyme and Reflctions on Death

I spoke to my rhuemy on Monday and he said that I do not have Lyme disease since all the western blot tests were negative so I can only assume that he is right and that I indeed don't have Lyme. There are a number of blogs out there that talk about the possibility of one having Lyme despite the tests coming back negative (aka false negative tests) but I don't know if I should spend my time delving into that world of doubting what the blood tests reveal since there is not one doctor near me that I can find who will do more for me than what this current doctor already has. So bottom line, I think it's time I looked somewhere else for answers. Well, I should mention that this guy diagnosed me as having fibromyalgia so in a way I do have a place to go for more information, sort of. The problem is is that fm can have a myriad of symptoms that are different for each person and, in my opinion, is something that they diagnose you as having when they don't know what to tell you anymore when all your blood tests come back normal and yet you still feel like crud. 

I'm still deliberating over whether or not I should see this alternative medicine doctor who can test me for food sensitivities and all that, but again I have to fork over $300 and I cringe at the thought of that when I could use that money for so many other things like my home, husband and children. I'm the kind of person who likes to keep as much money in savings as possible and hates to spend more than something is really worth and I just wonder if this man is really worth what he's charging. There is only one other person I know who has seen him and spoke highly of him and would love to get a second opinion somewhere, but can't seem to find one so for now I continue to hold off until I say "enough!" and have nowhere else to turn. 

More recently my health has been alright. The only issues that I can speak of are still the tingly hands and feet and headaches that come on strong when I eat something I know I shouldn't, or when I go from standing to sitting or vise versa. The latter would mean I had blood pressure issues, but maybe not. 

Anyway enough of all that. I want to take a few moments to talk about something really close to my heart, my mom. See like I said in my last post, my mother was recently diagnosed with a malignant form of bone cancer called Myelofibrosis. I researched it a bit and it doesn't sound good at all. The symptoms are not good and it can lead to her having to undergo chemo. But the worst part of all of this, is that I am 5 hours away from her and there is no one really close to her in my family who can be there for her and support her during this time. My parents are divorced so my dad wouldn't go down to help her most likely, though if she was in an emergency situation he likely would, but still, she needs someone during the day to day struggles and battles that go on in your mind about what's going to happen and what you're going to do with you life with cancer, and how much longer you have to live. See, though I don't have cancer, those same kind of thoughts are what went through my mind a year and a half ago and I know how scary it is to be thinking these things. It breaks my heart to think of her suffering and worse yet, there is very little I can do to help her save praying for her. So for those of you out there who believe in prayer, please say a prayer for her. Her name is Margaret. 

This past week I had my mother here with me and we had a very nice time together, one of the best in a while actually. We just hung out and took care of my kids, went out to a local flower garden, watched a horrible movie called "Super 8", and opened  up our hearts to each other about different things. She is someone I have always turned to when I have been down; even when I didn't want to talk to her about something bothering me, she could always sense that I was hiding something and would pry's at me to get me to get it "all out" so I could feel better. I hope that when my kids are older I will be able to read them as well as she reads me. It's amazing how she does it! So yes, she and I had a great visit and it was so sad to see her go. She didn't want to go, but she was tired and I knew she needed to sleep in her own bed again- my hide-abed is nice, but not so good on the back after a couple days.  

I was a little emotional this week thinking about her and thinking about what life will be like not having her here one day. She and I have not always seen eye to eye and have rubbed each other wrong many times in the past, but still, I love her and don't know where I'd be without her.  My heart aches just thinking of us not being able to go back to Jersey to see her and her dog, Millie, and walk to the river or watch Turner Classic movies with her, or Fox news or her silly Westerns. We just take so much of what we have for granted and I pray to God, that for however much time we have left with her, that all of it is spent doing and saying all that we want or need to so that when that day comes when we have to say goodbye, we will do so knowing that she knows she is loved and that she can be at peace with us and with God. 

Death is such a scary thing if you don't see it with spiritual eyes and that's what I'm trying to do to help myself and my mom get through this time. We have to believe that God knows the day and the hour we are to return to Him. We have to believe that if we love Him and serve Him in this life that He will take care of us in the next. We have to believe that there is more to everything we are suffering than simply humoring a malicious god. No, that was not the Father Jesus spoke to us about. God is Charity and He will protect His own. It's just so hard to leave those we love behind to finally be with the God who made us. Because though we have faith and love for Him, we are afraid of Him and worry if He will be happy with us when we are judged. All we can do is trust and do the best we can to follow His teachings. The rest is up to Him and so I say, "Into your hands O Lord, I commend my (and those whom I love) spirit." Please God may we all be united in heaven together some day.

Lyme and the Coconut

So I got my lab results back from the endocryn and rheumatologist and we found some interesting info.For starters I'll mention that I do not have diabetes (we think), which is good, however I did have low iron and was borderline high on my hemoglobin level. Not sure what that means and not completely confident in the results given I never fasted before having the blood drawn, which is rather critical when trying to diagnose diabetes. I was fine with the results overall, and am trying to up my iron by eating more spinach, red meat, and nuts. I called my mom, who is a nurse, and asked if she thought the tingly hands and feet could be due to the low iron count and she said maybe, but not likely. So still not sure what to do about that since the tingling remains despite eating high iron foods.
Ok, so the rhumatologist did extensive blood work and most everything came back normal, except for the one that tested for Lyme disease. That was 1.29 when the normal range was less than.90. There was a second series of tests they performed to examine whether that first Lyme test was accurate, something called the western blot blood test. Those all came back normal, but after reading a lot about Lyme, it sounds like there is still more bloodwork to be done before ruling it out. The latter test was only one of many types to see if it's in you. I don't know how I could have it come up positive on one test and be told I don't have it despite what the western blot showed. It's ironic that it came back positive because my spiritual director advised I be tested for Lyme since people out where he lives had similar symptoms and were found to have Lyme as well, but often when I would bring it up to doctors they said it didn't need to be since it was not likely.

Anyhow, I am waiting to talk to the doctor on Monday since I only read those results through my medical account profile and have no idea what the doctor wants to do with me. We are hoping that he digs deeper with this.I mean,  I went to the better specialists in the area for this so they would do more than just take blood and tell me everything is fine.

It should be noted that the one thing that did actually help lessen the tingling sensation was coconut oil. Perhaps I need the fat to help my body absorb nutrients better or just oil up my system to help it perform more efficiently, I don't know, but it's something I need to look into further.

Last Thursday I began my aerobic dance and absolutely loved it. It took some getting used to following a routine again, but once I got the hang of it, I was in my element. Needless to say the hour flew by and I didn't want it to end. The class is attended by mostly 55+ women, but I like it that way. Makes me feel less insecure when I miss a step or do something stupid- it's great fun. Plus after the week I had last week I needed something leisurely for me to get my stress out.

The kids, but my baby esp, were so difficult last week and I don't know why. My baby was crying hysterically and nothing I did helped her. My kids would not listen to me at all and they were making messes everywhere I turned. It was horrible. Plus, someone I know misread a comment I made about them, thus spawning a lot of unnecessary emails which caused an emotional breakdown on my part. My good husband came home early that day to give me a break after hearing everything I was dealing with.  That day I broke my diet and ate a burrito bowl my hubby brought home for me. I didn't care anymore- I needed a break.

Yesterday, my husband and I went out for a date, which we hadn't done in months, and told him we need to do it more often since by not taking that time together, we've only grown further apart.  So in our attempt to remedy this problem, we decided to go mini-golfing, and let me tell you, it was a lot of fun! Growing up near the shore, my brother worked on the boardwalk at a mini-golf course called Putt-Around and we'd often go there often to play for free. It had to have been 20 years since I last played, but you know, I wasn't too bad at it. We even tied at  a score of 61, though neither of us made par :) We laughed and had a good time talking about our childhoods. Given it was cool outside, and we're all fighting colds, we wanted to get a warm drink at our local coffee house. I rarely go to coffee houses anymore, but was excited to get a drink outside of the house for a change and opted for a decaf vanilla bean latte. It tasted delish, and I started to wonder if it didn't have sugar in it being it was so yummy. We sat there playing checkers, which my husband totally kicked my butt in, and then chatted for awhile, when I noticed this terrible headache set in. It was throbbing and I told him we had to go since it was bothering me so much. I have no idea why that happened and I'm wondering if I'm not super sensitive to sugar now that I'm on this diet, which I should mention I have not been 100% faithful to, more like 97%. It's still with me today, but it might be due to the fact that my kids are all sick with head colds and we've been up a lot in the night trying to take of them. Dunno, but either way I still have it and am praying I can make it through this week since hubby is going out of town for four days and will have my mom here to help me. And though that'll be better than being alone, it still means I have to do a lot on my own since she's not used to our routine. So say a pyayer things get better and also one for my mom who was recently diagnosed with bone cancer. I'll tell ya, it's always something. God be with us.  More to come once I speak to my doc tomorrow.

The Paleo Thang

So I was asked to talk about the Paleo diet that I'm following. Like I said, it was given to me through a friend who said it helped her with her post-partum health issues so I thought I'd give it a go. I started a little less than two weeks ago and am getting by ok. The diet includes eating only lean meat, fruit, veggies, nuts and seeds. I should mention that it was suggested I change my diet per the advice of that alternative doc I had a consult with two weeks ago. He worked in correcting many people's issues from insomnia to cancer, to candida, to fibromyalgia, to pretty much everything, all through adjusting people's diets. He would do this through testing your bodies sensitivities using something called EAV Testing. Taken from his blog he states:


EAV Testing indirectly measures the "Energetic System" of the body. It does not measure the physiology, the biochemistry, or the pathology components of the human body. However, the “Energetic System” is related to these components, from the standpoint of quantum physics, and can help identify imbalances and guide therapy to restore balance.

It's all very strange stuff and costs about $360 to have done (he doesn't take insurance) so I figured try some of this stuff on my own before dropping a load to find out something that I could discern on my own through trial and error. Providentially, that was right before I was introduced to the Paloe diet and saw it as God's hand guiding me toward an answer to some of these previously mentioned symptoms.

Alright so how am I doing with it? Well, this friend, K, sent me a copy of a Paleo diet cookbook that supplied me with easy recipes for foods that were safe as well as providing a checklist of "yes and no" foods to eat. Now with this "yes and no list" I have some issues. See, there are a lot of opinions out there as to what is and is not acceptable on this diet. Some people say no to all dairy, while other say it's fine. Some people say no to all starches, including sweet potatoes, while other praise them and encourage you to consume as many as you want of them. It frustrating because I'm not used to dieting, let alone following one where there are conflicting opinions about what one should eat, so as a result I am left to decide what to do for myself. And I, being the potentially extreme person that I am (of the choleric/melancholic temperament), tend to lean on the conservative side and cut out everything that's questionable. So I attempted to go with the absolute minimum for about three days, and found that I was doing great; my mood was better, I noted an increase in energy, and a number of my symptoms disappeared! The only symptom that remained was the tingling in my hands and feet.

The realization that this diet was seemingly correcting my health problems was so encouraging that I couldn't help but feel motivated to continue it. I mean, when you see such obvious changes in an incredibly short period of time it definitely tells you that something is working and you would be a fool not to continue with it. This was such an answer to prayer! There did come a problem after about day three when my appetite picked up. I should mention that I went home to Jersey to see my family to celebrate my mom's birthday, which meant lots of great Italian food and desserts, and was tempted to cheat and eat what I shouldn't given I was outside of my environment.  Knowing that I would crash and burn if I didn't increase my eating options, I loosened the fast and allowed dairy back into my diet. (I couldn't not try the eggplant rolatini and chicken marsala at her party- yum! :) With dairy back on my plate, it opened the door to a few more foods and eased my hunger a bit. Interestingly, I did observe that my eczema returned after I ate the dairy. Yes, I have that too. It's something I've had for years and from what I can tell is an a type of allergic reaction, which I did not know until after being on this diet. So good to know, but it still  didn't stop me from eating the dairy while out of town. Before we left to return home, I made a stop at a great produce market called Verchios and picked up a ton of fruit and veggies- the sell the cheapest produce you'll find anywhere. If you're ever driving through South Jersey be sure and stop by this place- you won't be disappointed!

After we returned home, I did go back to cutting out the dairy since I realized that not only was it causing my eczema to flare up, it also wasn't good for my trying to lose baby fat, which I should add is slowly going away :)

So let me go over the specifics of what it is I am eating these days. on my plate I have grilled chicken, eggs, steak, apples, bananas, peaches, strawberries, cashews, coconut milk, almond milk, almond butter, chicken soup, stuffed cabbage w/out rice, salmon, cod, shrimp, zucchini, carrots, sweet potatoes (yes, I had to eat them since I was starving without the starch in my diet), salad, hamburgers, tomato salad, you get the idea. What am I not eating? Any breads, sweets save fruit, rice, beans, corn, dairy (well maybe I cheat sometimes, but not too much). It's amazing that I am doing this and I pray that I can continue it and don't get lazy and start adding things I shouldn't. I will have a little ice cream of something like that if I'm at a party just to be social, but otherwise it's all hands off for me.

Now if you don't mind, I'm going to veer off topic for a moment.

It's been a good thing going without carbs because not only is it good for my body, but it's a good penance for my soul. I find that the discipline of not eating what I want all the time is helping me build what people used to call "character", aka virtue. Since I've been on this diet I have noticed I'm not as short tempered or as depressed as I used to be.

It would be a lie for me to say that I don't suffer from depression because I do and have had some really bad moments when I've just wanted to die. Yes, I admit it. Many doctors have advised I take an anti-depressant to treat it and honestly I tried it for about a month, but found that the side effects from trying to get off it made all my depression symptoms worse. After that, I was determined never to go back on them again, especially if it meant I could never live independent of a drug. Plus, I read that the risk of having fertility problems increased so I said forget it. God has blessed me with wonderful fertility and I am not about to take any chances losing that by taking some medication. And besides, there are other methods to helping oneself, like exercising, Paleo dieting or simply getting out and being around  people again. Nothing beats being around good friends and people who you know love you. It makes life feel so much more worth living.  Yet sadly, that's something I don't have much of where I live. Having the little ones so close together has forced me to stay home nearly all the time so I don't have the opportunity to get out and meet other moms. This seclusion gets hard on all of us.
In an attempt to help this problem, my husband kindly encouraged me to get out and take evening classes. So taking his advice, I signed up for an aerobic dance and ballet class with my daughter.

Dancing is one thing in my life that always takes me out of myself. Most, if not all, people are shocked when they see me in my element on the dance floor. See, I come off as a very reserved person, but once the music starts, it's as though someone else comes out of me and I feel so free from everything that usually holds me back. There is no way I can explain why it happens, it just does and I love it! From what I am told, I'm a pretty good dancer as well (I confess I do have a history in musical theater and dance) so I'm making a complete fool of myself while letting it all hang loose :)

Aside from the dancing, I will also be attending an evening of recollection once a month at a local oratory to help me grow in my spiritual life. I can't ignore my spiritual needs in all of this, right? Perhaps through this I will meet other people whom I can share a deeper friendship with. Time will tell.

So maybe between this diet, doing the dance classes, and growing spiritually things will get better for me. Hey, maybe I'll even have to change the title of this blog to something more blithesome. Anything is possible :)

Well need to sign off for now. Hope to find out what my blood results showed early this week. Have confidence all will be fine, but will let you know. Till then. Later.

VBA2C Success story

For those who don't know where it all began, I'll start with my first pregnancy. August 2008  I got pregnant with my DD and worked with the MC to attempt a natural delivery. The entire pregnancy was full of complications, which I won't go into,  but it came down to me going 41 weeks when they eventually diagnosed me as having preclampsia and offered a c-section or induced labor. No labor signs had come up to that point so I elected for the routine section given my daughter didn't seem ready to come out anyway. Recovery was very hard, but I got by.

Three months post partum I discovered that I was pregnant again and, needless to say, shocked, but learned about vbacs and found a practice that supported my desire to attempt one.  This pregnancy went fine,  except for the fact that it was full of stress having to move, take care of my DD, and mentally and physically prepare to have another child within a year. I tried everything to go into labor naturally using the advice of a wonderful doula I was working with, but wound up going 42 weeks and a day without any signs of labor. After getting an ultrasound, they found that my amniotic fluids were dropping and urged that I get my son out asap. With much remorse, I consented to have a repeat section given I really had no choice; obviously, I wanted my son to come out alive. While they were performing the operation, they discovered that the lining of my uterus was so thin they could see my son  through it (aka dehiscence)  and said it was good that I didn't labor since I would have ruptured. The recovery was very rough and throughout the following year had numerous health issues, which I attribute to having two surgeries so close together.

Fast forward to August 2011. I got pregnant again. Returned to my former obgyn practice only to be told that they were not very supportive of me attempting a vba2c. I went looking at other practices only to be told repeatedly that they would not allow me to vba2c since it was too dangerous and I could rupture. Desperate, I contacted the Doulas of ** in January seeking advice about alternative options for bringing this baby into the world. Was home birth something I could consider? Maybe. So I asked about working with a lay midwife who could give me tips for having a natural delivery. I got the name of a woman and we spoke at length about my past pregnancies to which she said she thought she could help me. The Doula's also gave me the name of a Dr. K at M Hospital who was very pro vbac and recommended I speak with him to seek his council.

I made an appointment with Kaminski and after having looked at my post op records, said that he felt I could attempt a vba2c but only because I was double sutured (they sewed my uterine wall twice to make it extra secure). He said I had a 7 out of 10 chance of having a natural delivery, but that the damage that could result if I did rupture would be bad. I decided it was worth the risk, and upon his suggestion, worked with the Midwives at M for my prenatal care, while simultaneously using the lay midwife for the bulk of my prenatal needs. The lay midwife came to my house and spent many hours talking to me about things that were issues from my past as well as problems in the present. She said I had a lot to work through mentally if I was going to have a natural delivery as that, along with hormonal imbalances, was preventing labor. I also went to seek medical help from a chiropractor who worked on correcting my imbalances, which helped me tremendously.

After months of emotional healing, reading an awesome book and getting alternative health treatments,  I really started to believe it could be possible to vba2c, that is, until I had a follow up with Dr. K at my 39 week checkup. He told me that the midwives were divided about my being able to labor and were not all supportive of me going forward with it due to my dehiscence. They didn't know what would happen under my circumstances since so few women have ever attempted a vba2c knowing they also having a window in their uterine wall. I was their guinea pig, so to speak, and they were going to watch me very closely as this was a birth that they would be talking about a lot in the future, whichever way it goes.  I couldn't believe he was telling me this after working with them for months. I felt like they pulled the rug right out from under me. I was so sick of people telling me I was high risk!  Bottom line, he wanted me to know that if something should go wrong, that they weren't to blame.  It was such a blow to my confidence that I felt like I was all alone and fell back into worry. I called my lay midwife and explained all this, only to get an amazing pep talk that filled me once again with the peace of mind knowing that whatever happens will be ok, but that there is more chance of success than failure, esp if I believe it.

A few more weeks came and went until it was my due date May 20th. However, there were no signs of labor and again, I started to worry. Was all this preparation for vbac in vain? Would my body fail me again? Would people tell me I told you so? Would I survive a natural delivery?The thoughts that went through my head were hard. It was the toughest time in my pregnancy. Days went by and still nothing but the usual stretching, until on May 27th I got my first contraction! It was the most wonderful feeling in the world and I couldn't believe my body was actually doing what it was supposed to. Something I was doing was working :-)

My contractions were steady at 40 seconds long every 8 minutes. Sunday night the contractions stopped only to start again the next morning at about the same rate. That night they tapered again but still stayed with me. That morning, the 29th, I had an appointment with the Midwives at Magee for a BPB ultrasound and followup. The ultrasound looked great so baby was in good shape. The midwife, M, saw me and said that I was 3 centimeters dilated and asked if I wanted her to sweep my membranes to get things moving. She did and shortly after started getting stronger contractions, though still at about the same rate. My husband and I walked around the hospital, ate a good sized lunch, and then felt like it was time to admit myself to triage since the pain was strong enough for me to not want to leave. My lay midwife was called in (under the title of my doula) and she, my husband and I waited in the labor room for things to progress. My body was feeling the pain, but it was nothing overwhelming. And then about 3 hours of the same pattern of contractions, the nurse midwife offered to break my sack of water, which I agree to. Immediately, my body went into full transition labor and stayed there for about an hour. It was so painful that I felt like dying, but my lay midwife kept telling me to not give into the fear, to ride the wave and to stay on top of the pain. It could not conquer me, ESP after all I had done to get to this point. It was really a battle between my mind and my body and I had to not let my mind be controlled by that pain, but had to just let the two work together. 

Once I felt the urge to push things really went quickly and within 2 minutes I went from 7 to 10 centimeters and felt my baby coming. Five minutes after that, her head had descended, but she was in distress so they rushed a team of doctors in to prepare to take me for a section and started giving me oxygen, however the midwife told me to push hard to get her out since she was so close to coming out. I pushed with everything I had in me and soon enough, my baby was born! Her apgar was very low so they had to resuscitate her and  i started hemorrhaging  from a severe vaginal and 4 centimeter long  cervical tear. They had to rush me to the OR to start stitching me up, but thankfully it was nothing that would have any permanent damage. They had never seen a tear that bad before and couldn't figure out why it happened, but in the end i was still happy because I had her naturally.  Not the ideal labor, but who ever gets that anyway, right?

So that's my story and I  pray it gives some hope to those of you who are struggling to believe a vbac is possible for you. So many people doubted this could happen and yet, with the right physical and emotional support, along with keeping a positive outlook and praying for God`s help, I got what I wanted. It's so cool to think that I have blazed the trail for other mothers who want to vba2c as well as provide new hope for those who have had dehiscence. All things are possible if you believe! 

Here we go again: a recap of the last three months

My gosh it's been some time since I've been on this thing. OK so since my last post I've had another sweet little baby and she is such a joy! I love her to pieces- she is truly precious and such a good baby. Really I'm not exaggerating. And praise God I even had my natural delivery. I will post a copy of my vbac success story after I write this for those interested. It was such an emotional journey and I fought tooth and nail to get things right with the help of an excellent home birth midwife. But anyway, I don't want to spend a ton of time going into all that. For now I will discuss what has happened to me post partum since that is also when all my mysterious maladies started with my DS. About three months almost to the day from having both my second and now third child, my body started acting up. Ugh. So here's the scoop....

It all began when I got these shooting pains through my breasts between nursings. It felt like a horrible sharp needle going through my chest on both sides. I went to my midwives at the hospital, the ones who delivered my baby girl, and they took a sample of my breast milk to check for yeast, but it all came back normal. However, the pain continued. No one knew what it was and said I had to keep wearing supportive bras. And I was! So no answers there to this day. Then at the beginning of August I got this  terrible rash all over my back, chest, armpits, groin and shoulders. It was a red, blistery like rash that first started under my breast when I started exercising more. I love Spotify and listen to it to get me in the mood to dance this baby fat off. Well, after dancing for a bit and doing my rather intense pilates, I saw this rash and I figured it was heat related, but when it spread all over my torso and got very itchy I started to wonder. I called my home birth  mw and asked her for advice and she said to put corn starch on it (talc powder is bad if inhaled) which I did and that helped for a brief space of time, and then it started to get itchy again. After days of no success ridding it, I went to the Medexpress and they said it was contact dermatitis. What the heck! She said that I was exposed to something new in my environment causing it, even though there was nothing new that I was aware of. She prescribed a steroid/nystatin cream to put on it. I applied it for about 5 days and no more since she said not to let it get in my system given I was nursing. And hurrah, lo and behold, it did go away! I diagnosed it as a yeast infection since that is what it compared to most with the pictures I saw on line, even though she said otherwise. Honestly, what else would spread like that, if not yeast? Oh, it's funny the things I spend my time looking at these days- things I never would have dreamed of when I was young, but then again,  never did I expect my body would have some many damn issues. Anyhow I digress.  So I was good to go with the rash soon disappearing. There was some emotional stuff going on at the time so it's possible that might have rocked my immune system, much like what happened in August 2010. It's my theory, and I think my midwife would agree, that the psyche greatly impacts the body so if I the former is off, the latter will be too.

Moving on then. So the rash came and went. Things were good again, so I thought. A few days after it left me, I started getting nauseous and actually threw up about four times. Where in the world that came from I have no idea. No one was sick so it wasn't viral and I didn't think I was prego so big puzzle there. But then I woke up one morning to this horrible case of vertigo and dizziness (yes, I know they are different and I did have both). When I would walk forward the room would go up and down as though I were walking on water. Then this sense of buzzing in my head came and would not leave me, which was accompanied by throbbing headaches on the sides of my head, near the temples.  I felt like screaming! But I couldn't because I was trying so hard to maintain a sense of peace and order with the children even though inside I was falling apart. I just wanted to yell, "Why am I getting all these weird symptoms so freaking much?!:" I took it easy all day taking care of the three kiddies. Later that day, believe it or not, I got yet another symptom. This time it was tingling feet, legs, arms and hands. It felt like a cold sensation in those areas, though mostly just on my right side, with a numbness similar to what you'd feel when you're body is "falling asleep". While not crippling it was concerning.  The extreme sense of moving up and down as I walked ceased, however I didn't want to ignore what was happening to me so I called my awesome new chiropractor to make an app. He adjusted me and said that my left cortex was weak and recommended I stimulate it my tapping my right side's feet and fingers, smell perfume in my left nostril, and put a vibrator on my right foot and hand to stimulate the nerve endings so to wake up the left side of the brain.  He also said I needed to do cross word puzzles or other mind stimulating games. That wasn't quite what I was expecting him to tell me, however, I tried it and it did little to help.

Then when I am really desperate, where do I turn for help? Facebook and that's what I did.

There is a priest friend of my husbands who also had a lot of mysterious health issues and thought it might be good to touch base with him. (Plus, I could always use the extra prayers even should he not know how to help me.) I found out that he was diagnosed with fibromyalgia and suffered a lot after experiencing a lot of stress. Well, then, it became clear to me that indeed, stress was most likely the source of all this crap. But given I couldn't rid myself of my responsibilities what was I to do? God has given me three children to care for and a husband who I don't always understand, so what was I to do to change my circumstances? Nothing. All I can do is hold on for dear life and pray that I survive.

Now if I  may deviate for a moment:

As I sit hear, I'm listening to Josh Groban's "You are loved" and I remember the first time I heard it- I was a college student at Dayton and we had just entered into the Lenten season. This song made me cry. All I could think of was Christ speaking to me and telling me how He loves me and wants to help me. How ironic that it plays as I write this post. I know I voice my complaints a lot on here because, well, I need a healthy place to do that, but in my heart I know that God is aware of everything I am suffering and is there wanting and waiting to strengthen me. I am not so despondent as to forget that there is happiness after all of this should I suffer this like a good servant. It's just that I wonder if I am not suffering this to help someone else who is struggling to make sense of their singularly bizarre health issues. I don't know, but regardless I need this outlet to express what I'm going through so that I don't lose my mind because some days I worry.

OK deviation over. Back to my original rant.

Alright, so after posting a status about my health how stress can kill I got an interesting reply from the wife of a friend of mine, who also had some post-partum quirkiness  (depression, numbness, weight gain) and advised I look into the paleo diet plan. At first I was skeptical since I was on the candida diet which was next to impossible, and felt like this was not for me, but when I read that they allow you to eat fruit, I was much more open to the idea. Basically, the paleo diet comes from the idea that if we eat like out paleozoic ancestors, our bodies will perform optimally since those foods are what our bodies are made to consume and not any of the processed, or genetically/mechanically modified foods. Whatever. I heard that breastfeeding moms were trying it and having good results so it was safe for me and I thought to give it a go. Well, I am now 5 days strong and I have to say, it has helped! My vertigo is gone, the headaches, the nausea are all gone! The one thing that has yet to go is the tingling hands and feet, but I'm working on that.

I made an appointment to see a local alternative medicine doctor who was offering free consults and he said that all my issues could be pointed back to my pancreas. Given my Dad has type 2 Diabetes I wanted to be sure that there wasn't some of that hitting me. The next day I called my PCP and asked to have a script sent to Quest to have a CBC and Thyroid test done to see if everything was ok. As was expected, all was good. So per the advice of my Mom, I had an appointment with a local endocrinologist to see if she thought I was having early signs of diabetes. That was yesterday, and the doc said she didn't think it likely, but drew some blood to be sure. Tomorrow I go to see a rheumatologist to check for anything autoimmune related. Please God this is just a passing thing and I'll be back to normal soon enough. God's will be done. More importantly, I have to work on bringing balance into my life. Like Mr. Miagi says, "Got to learn balance. Balance is key.  Balance is good..."While I'm no Buddhist, I do think there is something right in that. It's when my life is out of balance that all else goes to pot. So Mr. Miagi, following your advice, here's my next step, take karate!  ;-) Well, not really, just aerobic dance and start getting back to doing the things I love. Being a mom doesn't mean not being me, just being a better me for those I love, but that means making sure I have time for myself too. So we'll see how things go next week. So for now, ciao!

PS- Please feel free to post your own experiences on here. I would love to share notes!

Into the 3rd Trimester Review

So now I'm actually into the 3rd trimester and I feel like I need to keep up with what's going on since this begins the crucial period when things can start to go wrong. Backtracking a bit, I did have some serious fatigue hit me around the middle of February. I went to visit a new chiropractor who does muscle testing through monitoring your body's reaction to certain chemical within it energy field. Anyway, the last time I saw him, he adjusted every part of my body (or so it seemed) and when I drove home from my visit, I felt this heavy lethargy hit me. This feeling did not leave me for at least a week or so. I went to the hospital the next Sunday to be sure I was ok because I could hardly get out of bed and that was very unlike me. All the tests the midwives took were normal and they suggested it was only a virus that needed to pass through me. Thankfully whatever it was did, however, three days later (Wed of that week) I woke up at night with severe vertigo which brought back my nausea and vomiting to a violent degree. I was dry heaving stomach acid- it was aweful. It only happened when I lay down though. The next day I went to an ENT and he told me it was benign paroxysmal vertigo and that there was nothing I could do to stop it. It was the same thing I had last year around this time of year. No reason for it, it just came and went. Scary crap though. It gets your whole system into panic mode and there is nothing you can do really stop it. Even sitting up didn't take it away. I credit the cure to God since He knew I was unable to function with it and I had no one to really help me. So thanks God!
After that dramatic episode, things calmed down some, save the heartburn, but that's normal for where I'm at in the pregnancy. The only downside to it is that I am still throwing up. I have to avoid eating certain foods and eating too much at one sitting since that also triggers my symptoms.
I have gotten in touch with a vbac support group in the area called ICAN. They're having a meetup group in a couple weeks and I hope to go to meet those other women who want what I want - a natural delivery. I have spoken with a couple of them on the phone already and was happy to hear that they were able to successfully vbac even after 2 sections. But as my midwife says, I have a lot to heal in me before things can happen- she was referring to the psychological hurts that I still carry with me. But with God all things are possible and even though I don't know that I'll ever be 100% healed from my past scars, I do believe that I can live a healthy lifestyle. I know my life has been harder than most people would ever imagine, but that's why I'm getting both psychological and spiritual help.
Anyhow, today I went to my midwife appointment and everything with the baby looked fine. It's heartbeat was 154 and I am measuring at 30". The one thing that caused some alarm was the fact that they saw I had sugar in my urine. They asked me if I has eaten anything really sweet for breakfast and I hadn't- only a bowl of rice chex with some rice milk and half a banana. I took my standard process Catalyn supplements along with some calcium magnesium, but that was it. So now I am going to try and keep myself off all unnecessary sugars and carbs. Althought he midwife said that it was no cause for alarm this time, I still feel like I should alter my diet to prevent any potential issues. My glucose test came back normal from last month so they don't think that's what I have, but it's still a bad sign for me.
Well, Tom just got back from work and I need to eat supper so for now, tata! 

My Saga Part 2

So I decided that after having the whole dramatized experience with the docs who told me that the wouldn't perform a vbac on me, I felt that I needed to research more of my options and nor rely on the medical system to help me get what's best for me or my baby. After having spoken with the doula, I went online to lookup various websites that supported women in their desire for a vbac. I came across some incredible youtube videos that followed the personal journey of women like myself who had has two c-sections and then attempted a vbac, though mostly hbac's or home birth after c-section. They were so powerful that I really felt inspired to try and do everything in my power to see that I get that experience for myself.
So the first thing I did was call the midwife that the doula referenced me to. After I called her up, we spoke at length about all the many issues I'd been facing during my pregnancy and asked if she would be open to helping me. She was the most helpful person and invited me to call her at any point for answers to whatever questions I had. I made a point to say that I wasn't sure I wanted a home birth, but that I wasn't against the idea either. She respected that I was still on the fence and wanted me to be informed about whatever I chose for myself. It was great to hear someone so encouraging and positive about the possibility that I might actually have a natural birth and to not be afraid of it.
Anyhow, I went back and forth with this midwife and she gave me the name of a chiropractor about 45 minutes north of me who worked doing some very bizarre cranio adjustments called N.O.T. chiropractics. It is said to be effective in treating women who are infertile and also correcting dyslexia. She thought that if anyone could pinpoint why I haven't been able to labor at all, it would be him.
So I made an appointment with him just before Christmas. I called my insurance to make sure he was within network and they told me he was so long as he participated in the local PPO program. When I called and spoke with the secretary she told me they did, so I figured great, he is insured. Anyhow, I went over for my first appointment and he met with me for about 10 minutes. It was very short and sweet. He asked why I was there and I told him Ellen (midwife) referred me to help check my hormone levels, since that was what she suspected was the root of my problems. He did these strange tests on my arms and pushed down on my gall bladder, spleen, pancreas, just all over my abdominal area. He then put his hands in my mouth and started pressing hard on the roof of my mouth. It was over very quickly and afterwards he said that I had a sever hormone imbalance. Basically, he said that my sympathetic and parasympathetic nervous system was very out of balance which as a result was not allowing my immune system to rest. Maybe that's why I have't had a cold in about two years, but have had a number of other odd issues? I asked him how it could be corrected and he said it would take my seeing him two times a week for 3 months for everything to go back to normal. My mouth nearly dropped as I had no idea it was that bad. He was not close at all to me and I had very little help to get baby sitters for the kids. It was not an ideal situation. I told him I would have to think about it, but did schedule another appointment for the following week.
The second visit I had to bring the kiddies. It's always annoying asking my m-i-l to come over so I just bundled them up and went. We arrived on time and went into the examination room. The kids were all over the place, but I had asked him ahead of time if it was ok to bring them and he said it was. Dominic esp liked going here since he likes to see new faces and be held by people. Anyhow, I had the kids crawling all over the place while he worked on me. It was rather funny actually. But I think the doc was not amused by their being there.He was very moody and had very little to say to me.
A couple days later I got a EOB from BCBS and it said that this chiro was not covered.and that I owed him $60. What the hell?! I thought. I was told that he was a participating PPO office. Well, I went back and forth with BC about how they told me he was in network and how now he wasn't. It was a royal pain dealing with them, because they said they had no record of them telling me that. Well, they did tell me that and I even called back to speak with a different staff member to check to see if he was, and she said YES! Two times I did this and they said yes, but whenever I called to question the amount they'd cover, they always said he was not covered. I hate insurance companies!
So after I discovered that this chiro was not going to be covered by my insurance, I realized that I couldn't go back to him. In a way I was relieved since I didn't like him as a person anyway, but felt that he was my only hope for correcting my hormones. Well, I called up Ellen and explained what was going on. She told me she had another chiro who could help me and who was actually closer to me than this last guy. That was a huge relief because I didn't know what I was going to do. She made it seem like if things weren't corrected, that my chances of vbacing were slim.
Aftet I got the name of this second chiro, I called them directly to ask about insurance coverage and they said they did accept BCBS PPO. Thank God! We then went ahead and made an appointment for later this month. In the meantime,. I had Ellen come over our house since I really needed to meet her and get to know her better. Tom and I had lot of questions we wanted answered if we were even going to consider having a homebirth. Amazingly, Tom supported the idea if it was what I wanted and if it was safe for the baby. At that point, I still wasn't sure so meeting with Ellen was really essential.
We had her over our place at about 7pm and she arrived a little after. She came in and was full of energy and life. The kids loved having her over and did what they could to get her attention. She received them very well and yet, made sure she put speaking to me first. She is older, around 55-60 and has been doing hb's for 25 years. That gave me more confidence in her for sure. We went through the litany of questions I had printed out and she answered them all well and with a lot of additional information to boot. It was great to have her there. She was so motherly and loving and yet firm which is good for people like me. I admire her love for giving women what's best for them and for believing in a woman's right to choose what she wants for her birth.
Tom and I sat with her for aver 3 hours and in the end felt very confident that she was someone we wanted to work with. For now, I have Maria here as she just came down from her nap and I need to change her stinky winky diaper. So for now, this will need to be continued...

The Last 6 Months Saga part 1

So, it's been sometime since I've updated this blog and I regret that I haven't as so much has occurred since last I wrote. For starters, two weeks after I had surgery I got pregnant, and am now 21 weeks along. The issues that arose due to the surgery seemed to have waned, but of course those due to pregnancy came with full force to replace the others. For starters, I got a very bizarre rash all over my abdomen. I wasn't sure if it was due to my surgery as I read that sometimes the glue they use to sew the scar can cause a reaction, however this rash was really bad and didn't sound like it was from that. It went away in time thank God and didn't come back. The itchy skin I had formerly experienced from last year did come back in October and I was suspicious if I didn't have bugs in the house or some other pest because I was going nuts itchy all the time. I'm beginning to wonder if I don't have sever fall allergies to whatever pollens are in the air and as a result, cause me to get these very weird skin reactions. No one else in the house has the itchiness that I get, so I am not inclined to believe that it's bug related. But then I thought that it might be from my candida. Given that I am pregnant, I could not stay on the candida diet that Dr. Ericson had me on, and he advised I not be on it as well actually, so I ate a lot more carbs to keep me going. My energy levels fells dramatically and I was more tired than I had been since my last pregnancy. The worst symptom I experienced being pregnant though, was the nausea and vomiting. This time around, I threw up not during the morning so much as in the late evening and night. It was as though a surge of energy came flush into my face and forced me to hurl everything that was within me. I'd never felt anything like it before- it came so unexpectedly and made it harder especially when I wasn't in a good location to vomit. Most of the time I was fine since I rarely left the house, but I was also sick longer this pregnancy than with the last two which I couldn't figure out. Like I said to my friend Julia, if this baby isn't a girl, than I have no hope of having an easy pregnancy. 
My mood was not bad all in all, though like always, my husband and I had our occasional bouts. My children kept me distracted and I loved being there to play and watch them grow, but mostly I just loved holding them and rocking them while I say songs. I know these days with two are slowly coming to a close, so I've wanted to make the most of this time with Maria and Dominic. People tell me three kids is the hardest, and right now, that's not something I can even fathom so I'm taking it one day at a time.
This pregnancy I returned to my former obgyn (the one who delivered Dominic) and stayed with them for about three months. I had an ultrasound performed at about 10 weeks to check the gestational age because the docs didn't believe me when I told them how old the baby was. Apparently I looked larger than normal, however I was using my iphone's iperiod app to track all temps, period, sexual interactions, etc. So I knew the exact day that I conceived from. It was the last week of August and I remember thinking that that was a very bad time to be having relations. In fact, we were looking at a little butterfly struggling to fly on our patio when he started making advances. Apparently, I brushed my hand across his bum in such a way that he took that to me I was interested-lol. The things men think amazes me!Anyway, they did an ultrasound on me and saw that I had a sack of blood next to the baby. They weren't sure what it was so I had to go back in a few weeks to have it done again. I was on my way to Las Vegas the week after so it was crucial I check to see if it was a hemmorage or just attachment bleeding. Fortunately there was nothing there the second scan so it was fine. It was so neat seeing my little baby looking so much bigger the second time around. I was giddy looking at him/her. Tom and I decided not to find out what the sex is because we really don't need to and it's more exciting not knowing I think.
So after I got back from Vegas, I started thinking more about my options to vbac since this is crucial for me and I want it more than anything. Having asked my obgyn what they thought (not very favorable), and considering the fact that the one doc I transferred there for was going on sabbatical, I thought it might be a good time to look into transferring practices to a more favorable vbac practice.
I called around to a few places and spoke with the secretary about my desire to vbac and asked if their doctors were favorable to people like myself. There was one office very nearby who said yes and hence I called over to Gynob to have all my records transferred. However, once I went to my first appointment and spoke with the doctor, expressing my desire to go naturally, he told me that I would only be allowed to wait until 39 weeks and then they would make me schedule a routine section. The only way he would support my going naturally past that, would be to have a high risk pregnancy specialist agree to it, but that would require my sitting down and pleading my case at another office in the city and I felt this was not cool. Why should I have to defend my desires when everything I had read up to that point showed that the risk for rupturing was so low and there was little reason for me to have to undergo all of this to get a natural labor.  Plus the nurse at this practice was so pushy and challenged me on most everything I told her I wanted. She was not anyone I wanted to work with and knew it was time to get out of there.
I didn't know where to turn at this point  and prayed about what to do. It came to mind that I should try contacting the Pittsburgh doulas to see what they recommended since I trusted them to work to defend my choice for a vbac. Beth and I spoke at length and she gave me numbers of people who had tried to vbac as well as references to docs in the area. The one name she gave me was one of a lay midwife who performed home births. I didn't think I'd have much to do with her, but as you'll soon discover, she actually has been more significant to me than one would imagine.