The Last Two Days

How am I feeling? Like I am near death. Honestly, it has been so freaky what's going on that I am getting nervous. My body feels like it's got a virus permeating throughout it, going into my bones and muscles down my neck, shoulders and back and is not able to get out. Last night I was up so much, one because my baby was awake a lot, and two, because I felt as though I had a fever, but I didn't. I just had that unsettled feeling you get when you have a fever and you are restless and want to move, but don't because you're so incredibly exhausted to begin with. Not knowing what to do, I got up, went into my kitchen and took a garlic pill and some ginger supplements after being inspired to do so. You see, last year I took this drawing class and the instructor was a cancer surviver and talked all about her health issues during our class, annoying to no end, but nevertheless somewhat beneficial to me. Anyway, she told us that the one food that is great for combatting cancer and a number of other diseases is garlic. When that thought crossed my mind as I lay there dwelling on what in the heck is happening to me, I remembered that I had some and figured why not. Take it and see what happens. It's nice having a little bit of every natural herb and supplement on the market. It's like having my own personal homeopathic pharmacy at my fingertips. Whenever something comes up like this, I can go into my cupboard and get what I need. Speaking of which, I need to get a Vitacost order in soon. They have the best prices on great organic natural stuff. Highly recommend them. OK back to my point.
So I had a really horrible night and could hardly pray I was so distracted by the feelings that have been coming over me. The nausea and vomiting stopped thank God, but no explanation as to why I got it in the first place. Just a passing thing I guess.
Yesterday I went to my chiro and he adjusted me which I needed tremendously, but he also recommended I start an RNA supplement along with aloe vera juice and something else from Standard Process to help with my gallbladder since it's been aggravated ever time I've visited him and he thought this one thing would help calm it down. I can't remember the name off hand since I didn't buy it there given he was out of stock. Doesn't matter though since I'm not taking it. What I am taking right now is Catalyn, Cataplex B, Omega 3, Calcium Magnesium, Vit D, sometimes a teaspoon of coconut oil and then the aloe gel. I offer up the pain it takes to swallow down some of this stuff since it is nasty! The texture is gag worthy. Ugh! How I pray that all of this suffering is doing some good in the spiritual world. That is the one way that I am surviving not losing my mind completely right now.  For whatever reason, God is willing I go through this and I have to accept it, while trying to correct it, but also endure it with as much peace as I can. Not easy when you have three babes to care for who rely on you for everything. I have no time to rest save on the weekend when my husband is home, and even then he needs a break too. My house is going to pot, which I hate, but have no choice right now. There is only so much I can do and something has to take the hit so that's what I've chosen. My laundry is always behind and my ironing has been sitting around for weeks now. How I pray I will feel healthy again so I can get back to what I need to be doing, i.e. being a wife and mommy again.
I forgot to mention that I also when to my GP yesterday since I wanted to see what she'd say about all the things I've been going through and, lo and behold, she lived up my low expectations and told me just what I knew she would say, making me feel like a complete idiot. Oh, yes, all of my problems can be pointed to the fact that I have three children close together. Of course, my body is going to be tired and of course things are out of whack, that's to be expected. So no, everything else that I've experienced is just my oversensitive, hypochondriatic self taking things much to seriously. The blank stare she gave me when I told her what's going on and her telling me that's it's "normal" made me want to scream. I have determined that traditional docs are absolutely useless, i.e. unless you fit within the medical box that they think you should fit so nicely into. It's all such crap. The medical profession has fallen so far from what they are meant to be. They seem to care so little for people anymore. Everything is just a "what's your problem? here's a drug, now take it and shut up" attitude.
Today things went a little better. We went over to my husband's sister's home to attend mass offered by his priest brother in honor of the feast of St. Michael. It was a sacrifice to go since there was much to do around the house but I didn't care, we needed to get out and be with others. My neck is still very stiff and it hurts to move it a certain way and, again, I have no idea why. The muscles in my back near my sides feels like it's inflamed, or like I've pulled it from doing strenuous exercise despite the fact that I haven't exercised at all since last Monday. This body of mine, I'll tell ya.
Well, on the positive side, I had a lovely day snuggling with my kids, esp my little boy who is such a mommy's boy and a veritable cute pie. Nothing beats his hugs and kisses. Laying in bed with all my kids is something I could do all the time. Such happy times. Thank you Jesus for these better moments in my life, how I treasure them, now more than ever. Bless us Lord, and keep us under the shadow of Thy wing. 
Planning on seeing a 79 year old Indian doctor who lives quite a distance to help treat these symptoms.He's said to be good at helping treat Lyme.  His name S. Chandra Swami. Here's hoping he can give me some relief. 
Good night y'all.

Recent Symptoms

This is going to be a quickie since I need to get these down before I forget them and I have a lot going on right now.

In the last three days this is what I've been experiencing:
1. Irregular mensis. 38 days and not typical bf.
2. Low body temp. High at end of day 96.9 degrees
3. Extreme fatigue
4. Body aches all over neck, shoulders and back- come and go one day to the next for no given reason
5. Brain fog
6. Tingly hands and feet
7. Sudden nausea and vomiting last night
8. Abdominal pains
Body weigh in this morning 38.7- lowest it's been so far.

Going to see my chiro this morning to have myself adjusted to help boost my immune system. Am feeling scared and worried that I might have multiple things going on here. Am also suspicious that I do have Lyme and am terrified that I have given it to at least one of my kids- the baby. Feeling so much like Beatrice Rappucchini like never before. My heart is so sick with concern and am seeking help through various routes, traditional and alternative medicine doctors. More to come.

More on Lyme and Reflctions on Death

I spoke to my rhuemy on Monday and he said that I do not have Lyme disease since all the western blot tests were negative so I can only assume that he is right and that I indeed don't have Lyme. There are a number of blogs out there that talk about the possibility of one having Lyme despite the tests coming back negative (aka false negative tests) but I don't know if I should spend my time delving into that world of doubting what the blood tests reveal since there is not one doctor near me that I can find who will do more for me than what this current doctor already has. So bottom line, I think it's time I looked somewhere else for answers. Well, I should mention that this guy diagnosed me as having fibromyalgia so in a way I do have a place to go for more information, sort of. The problem is is that fm can have a myriad of symptoms that are different for each person and, in my opinion, is something that they diagnose you as having when they don't know what to tell you anymore when all your blood tests come back normal and yet you still feel like crud. 

I'm still deliberating over whether or not I should see this alternative medicine doctor who can test me for food sensitivities and all that, but again I have to fork over $300 and I cringe at the thought of that when I could use that money for so many other things like my home, husband and children. I'm the kind of person who likes to keep as much money in savings as possible and hates to spend more than something is really worth and I just wonder if this man is really worth what he's charging. There is only one other person I know who has seen him and spoke highly of him and would love to get a second opinion somewhere, but can't seem to find one so for now I continue to hold off until I say "enough!" and have nowhere else to turn. 

More recently my health has been alright. The only issues that I can speak of are still the tingly hands and feet and headaches that come on strong when I eat something I know I shouldn't, or when I go from standing to sitting or vise versa. The latter would mean I had blood pressure issues, but maybe not. 

Anyway enough of all that. I want to take a few moments to talk about something really close to my heart, my mom. See like I said in my last post, my mother was recently diagnosed with a malignant form of bone cancer called Myelofibrosis. I researched it a bit and it doesn't sound good at all. The symptoms are not good and it can lead to her having to undergo chemo. But the worst part of all of this, is that I am 5 hours away from her and there is no one really close to her in my family who can be there for her and support her during this time. My parents are divorced so my dad wouldn't go down to help her most likely, though if she was in an emergency situation he likely would, but still, she needs someone during the day to day struggles and battles that go on in your mind about what's going to happen and what you're going to do with you life with cancer, and how much longer you have to live. See, though I don't have cancer, those same kind of thoughts are what went through my mind a year and a half ago and I know how scary it is to be thinking these things. It breaks my heart to think of her suffering and worse yet, there is very little I can do to help her save praying for her. So for those of you out there who believe in prayer, please say a prayer for her. Her name is Margaret. 

This past week I had my mother here with me and we had a very nice time together, one of the best in a while actually. We just hung out and took care of my kids, went out to a local flower garden, watched a horrible movie called "Super 8", and opened  up our hearts to each other about different things. She is someone I have always turned to when I have been down; even when I didn't want to talk to her about something bothering me, she could always sense that I was hiding something and would pry's at me to get me to get it "all out" so I could feel better. I hope that when my kids are older I will be able to read them as well as she reads me. It's amazing how she does it! So yes, she and I had a great visit and it was so sad to see her go. She didn't want to go, but she was tired and I knew she needed to sleep in her own bed again- my hide-abed is nice, but not so good on the back after a couple days.  

I was a little emotional this week thinking about her and thinking about what life will be like not having her here one day. She and I have not always seen eye to eye and have rubbed each other wrong many times in the past, but still, I love her and don't know where I'd be without her.  My heart aches just thinking of us not being able to go back to Jersey to see her and her dog, Millie, and walk to the river or watch Turner Classic movies with her, or Fox news or her silly Westerns. We just take so much of what we have for granted and I pray to God, that for however much time we have left with her, that all of it is spent doing and saying all that we want or need to so that when that day comes when we have to say goodbye, we will do so knowing that she knows she is loved and that she can be at peace with us and with God. 

Death is such a scary thing if you don't see it with spiritual eyes and that's what I'm trying to do to help myself and my mom get through this time. We have to believe that God knows the day and the hour we are to return to Him. We have to believe that if we love Him and serve Him in this life that He will take care of us in the next. We have to believe that there is more to everything we are suffering than simply humoring a malicious god. No, that was not the Father Jesus spoke to us about. God is Charity and He will protect His own. It's just so hard to leave those we love behind to finally be with the God who made us. Because though we have faith and love for Him, we are afraid of Him and worry if He will be happy with us when we are judged. All we can do is trust and do the best we can to follow His teachings. The rest is up to Him and so I say, "Into your hands O Lord, I commend my (and those whom I love) spirit." Please God may we all be united in heaven together some day.

Lyme and the Coconut

So I got my lab results back from the endocryn and rheumatologist and we found some interesting info.For starters I'll mention that I do not have diabetes (we think), which is good, however I did have low iron and was borderline high on my hemoglobin level. Not sure what that means and not completely confident in the results given I never fasted before having the blood drawn, which is rather critical when trying to diagnose diabetes. I was fine with the results overall, and am trying to up my iron by eating more spinach, red meat, and nuts. I called my mom, who is a nurse, and asked if she thought the tingly hands and feet could be due to the low iron count and she said maybe, but not likely. So still not sure what to do about that since the tingling remains despite eating high iron foods.
Ok, so the rhumatologist did extensive blood work and most everything came back normal, except for the one that tested for Lyme disease. That was 1.29 when the normal range was less than.90. There was a second series of tests they performed to examine whether that first Lyme test was accurate, something called the western blot blood test. Those all came back normal, but after reading a lot about Lyme, it sounds like there is still more bloodwork to be done before ruling it out. The latter test was only one of many types to see if it's in you. I don't know how I could have it come up positive on one test and be told I don't have it despite what the western blot showed. It's ironic that it came back positive because my spiritual director advised I be tested for Lyme since people out where he lives had similar symptoms and were found to have Lyme as well, but often when I would bring it up to doctors they said it didn't need to be since it was not likely.

Anyhow, I am waiting to talk to the doctor on Monday since I only read those results through my medical account profile and have no idea what the doctor wants to do with me. We are hoping that he digs deeper with this.I mean,  I went to the better specialists in the area for this so they would do more than just take blood and tell me everything is fine.

It should be noted that the one thing that did actually help lessen the tingling sensation was coconut oil. Perhaps I need the fat to help my body absorb nutrients better or just oil up my system to help it perform more efficiently, I don't know, but it's something I need to look into further.

Last Thursday I began my aerobic dance and absolutely loved it. It took some getting used to following a routine again, but once I got the hang of it, I was in my element. Needless to say the hour flew by and I didn't want it to end. The class is attended by mostly 55+ women, but I like it that way. Makes me feel less insecure when I miss a step or do something stupid- it's great fun. Plus after the week I had last week I needed something leisurely for me to get my stress out.

The kids, but my baby esp, were so difficult last week and I don't know why. My baby was crying hysterically and nothing I did helped her. My kids would not listen to me at all and they were making messes everywhere I turned. It was horrible. Plus, someone I know misread a comment I made about them, thus spawning a lot of unnecessary emails which caused an emotional breakdown on my part. My good husband came home early that day to give me a break after hearing everything I was dealing with.  That day I broke my diet and ate a burrito bowl my hubby brought home for me. I didn't care anymore- I needed a break.

Yesterday, my husband and I went out for a date, which we hadn't done in months, and told him we need to do it more often since by not taking that time together, we've only grown further apart.  So in our attempt to remedy this problem, we decided to go mini-golfing, and let me tell you, it was a lot of fun! Growing up near the shore, my brother worked on the boardwalk at a mini-golf course called Putt-Around and we'd often go there often to play for free. It had to have been 20 years since I last played, but you know, I wasn't too bad at it. We even tied at  a score of 61, though neither of us made par :) We laughed and had a good time talking about our childhoods. Given it was cool outside, and we're all fighting colds, we wanted to get a warm drink at our local coffee house. I rarely go to coffee houses anymore, but was excited to get a drink outside of the house for a change and opted for a decaf vanilla bean latte. It tasted delish, and I started to wonder if it didn't have sugar in it being it was so yummy. We sat there playing checkers, which my husband totally kicked my butt in, and then chatted for awhile, when I noticed this terrible headache set in. It was throbbing and I told him we had to go since it was bothering me so much. I have no idea why that happened and I'm wondering if I'm not super sensitive to sugar now that I'm on this diet, which I should mention I have not been 100% faithful to, more like 97%. It's still with me today, but it might be due to the fact that my kids are all sick with head colds and we've been up a lot in the night trying to take of them. Dunno, but either way I still have it and am praying I can make it through this week since hubby is going out of town for four days and will have my mom here to help me. And though that'll be better than being alone, it still means I have to do a lot on my own since she's not used to our routine. So say a pyayer things get better and also one for my mom who was recently diagnosed with bone cancer. I'll tell ya, it's always something. God be with us.  More to come once I speak to my doc tomorrow.

The Paleo Thang

So I was asked to talk about the Paleo diet that I'm following. Like I said, it was given to me through a friend who said it helped her with her post-partum health issues so I thought I'd give it a go. I started a little less than two weeks ago and am getting by ok. The diet includes eating only lean meat, fruit, veggies, nuts and seeds. I should mention that it was suggested I change my diet per the advice of that alternative doc I had a consult with two weeks ago. He worked in correcting many people's issues from insomnia to cancer, to candida, to fibromyalgia, to pretty much everything, all through adjusting people's diets. He would do this through testing your bodies sensitivities using something called EAV Testing. Taken from his blog he states:


EAV Testing indirectly measures the "Energetic System" of the body. It does not measure the physiology, the biochemistry, or the pathology components of the human body. However, the “Energetic System” is related to these components, from the standpoint of quantum physics, and can help identify imbalances and guide therapy to restore balance.

It's all very strange stuff and costs about $360 to have done (he doesn't take insurance) so I figured try some of this stuff on my own before dropping a load to find out something that I could discern on my own through trial and error. Providentially, that was right before I was introduced to the Paloe diet and saw it as God's hand guiding me toward an answer to some of these previously mentioned symptoms.

Alright so how am I doing with it? Well, this friend, K, sent me a copy of a Paleo diet cookbook that supplied me with easy recipes for foods that were safe as well as providing a checklist of "yes and no" foods to eat. Now with this "yes and no list" I have some issues. See, there are a lot of opinions out there as to what is and is not acceptable on this diet. Some people say no to all dairy, while other say it's fine. Some people say no to all starches, including sweet potatoes, while other praise them and encourage you to consume as many as you want of them. It frustrating because I'm not used to dieting, let alone following one where there are conflicting opinions about what one should eat, so as a result I am left to decide what to do for myself. And I, being the potentially extreme person that I am (of the choleric/melancholic temperament), tend to lean on the conservative side and cut out everything that's questionable. So I attempted to go with the absolute minimum for about three days, and found that I was doing great; my mood was better, I noted an increase in energy, and a number of my symptoms disappeared! The only symptom that remained was the tingling in my hands and feet.

The realization that this diet was seemingly correcting my health problems was so encouraging that I couldn't help but feel motivated to continue it. I mean, when you see such obvious changes in an incredibly short period of time it definitely tells you that something is working and you would be a fool not to continue with it. This was such an answer to prayer! There did come a problem after about day three when my appetite picked up. I should mention that I went home to Jersey to see my family to celebrate my mom's birthday, which meant lots of great Italian food and desserts, and was tempted to cheat and eat what I shouldn't given I was outside of my environment.  Knowing that I would crash and burn if I didn't increase my eating options, I loosened the fast and allowed dairy back into my diet. (I couldn't not try the eggplant rolatini and chicken marsala at her party- yum! :) With dairy back on my plate, it opened the door to a few more foods and eased my hunger a bit. Interestingly, I did observe that my eczema returned after I ate the dairy. Yes, I have that too. It's something I've had for years and from what I can tell is an a type of allergic reaction, which I did not know until after being on this diet. So good to know, but it still  didn't stop me from eating the dairy while out of town. Before we left to return home, I made a stop at a great produce market called Verchios and picked up a ton of fruit and veggies- the sell the cheapest produce you'll find anywhere. If you're ever driving through South Jersey be sure and stop by this place- you won't be disappointed!

After we returned home, I did go back to cutting out the dairy since I realized that not only was it causing my eczema to flare up, it also wasn't good for my trying to lose baby fat, which I should add is slowly going away :)

So let me go over the specifics of what it is I am eating these days. on my plate I have grilled chicken, eggs, steak, apples, bananas, peaches, strawberries, cashews, coconut milk, almond milk, almond butter, chicken soup, stuffed cabbage w/out rice, salmon, cod, shrimp, zucchini, carrots, sweet potatoes (yes, I had to eat them since I was starving without the starch in my diet), salad, hamburgers, tomato salad, you get the idea. What am I not eating? Any breads, sweets save fruit, rice, beans, corn, dairy (well maybe I cheat sometimes, but not too much). It's amazing that I am doing this and I pray that I can continue it and don't get lazy and start adding things I shouldn't. I will have a little ice cream of something like that if I'm at a party just to be social, but otherwise it's all hands off for me.

Now if you don't mind, I'm going to veer off topic for a moment.

It's been a good thing going without carbs because not only is it good for my body, but it's a good penance for my soul. I find that the discipline of not eating what I want all the time is helping me build what people used to call "character", aka virtue. Since I've been on this diet I have noticed I'm not as short tempered or as depressed as I used to be.

It would be a lie for me to say that I don't suffer from depression because I do and have had some really bad moments when I've just wanted to die. Yes, I admit it. Many doctors have advised I take an anti-depressant to treat it and honestly I tried it for about a month, but found that the side effects from trying to get off it made all my depression symptoms worse. After that, I was determined never to go back on them again, especially if it meant I could never live independent of a drug. Plus, I read that the risk of having fertility problems increased so I said forget it. God has blessed me with wonderful fertility and I am not about to take any chances losing that by taking some medication. And besides, there are other methods to helping oneself, like exercising, Paleo dieting or simply getting out and being around  people again. Nothing beats being around good friends and people who you know love you. It makes life feel so much more worth living.  Yet sadly, that's something I don't have much of where I live. Having the little ones so close together has forced me to stay home nearly all the time so I don't have the opportunity to get out and meet other moms. This seclusion gets hard on all of us.
In an attempt to help this problem, my husband kindly encouraged me to get out and take evening classes. So taking his advice, I signed up for an aerobic dance and ballet class with my daughter.

Dancing is one thing in my life that always takes me out of myself. Most, if not all, people are shocked when they see me in my element on the dance floor. See, I come off as a very reserved person, but once the music starts, it's as though someone else comes out of me and I feel so free from everything that usually holds me back. There is no way I can explain why it happens, it just does and I love it! From what I am told, I'm a pretty good dancer as well (I confess I do have a history in musical theater and dance) so I'm making a complete fool of myself while letting it all hang loose :)

Aside from the dancing, I will also be attending an evening of recollection once a month at a local oratory to help me grow in my spiritual life. I can't ignore my spiritual needs in all of this, right? Perhaps through this I will meet other people whom I can share a deeper friendship with. Time will tell.

So maybe between this diet, doing the dance classes, and growing spiritually things will get better for me. Hey, maybe I'll even have to change the title of this blog to something more blithesome. Anything is possible :)

Well need to sign off for now. Hope to find out what my blood results showed early this week. Have confidence all will be fine, but will let you know. Till then. Later.

VBA2C Success story

For those who don't know where it all began, I'll start with my first pregnancy. August 2008  I got pregnant with my DD and worked with the MC to attempt a natural delivery. The entire pregnancy was full of complications, which I won't go into,  but it came down to me going 41 weeks when they eventually diagnosed me as having preclampsia and offered a c-section or induced labor. No labor signs had come up to that point so I elected for the routine section given my daughter didn't seem ready to come out anyway. Recovery was very hard, but I got by.

Three months post partum I discovered that I was pregnant again and, needless to say, shocked, but learned about vbacs and found a practice that supported my desire to attempt one.  This pregnancy went fine,  except for the fact that it was full of stress having to move, take care of my DD, and mentally and physically prepare to have another child within a year. I tried everything to go into labor naturally using the advice of a wonderful doula I was working with, but wound up going 42 weeks and a day without any signs of labor. After getting an ultrasound, they found that my amniotic fluids were dropping and urged that I get my son out asap. With much remorse, I consented to have a repeat section given I really had no choice; obviously, I wanted my son to come out alive. While they were performing the operation, they discovered that the lining of my uterus was so thin they could see my son  through it (aka dehiscence)  and said it was good that I didn't labor since I would have ruptured. The recovery was very rough and throughout the following year had numerous health issues, which I attribute to having two surgeries so close together.

Fast forward to August 2011. I got pregnant again. Returned to my former obgyn practice only to be told that they were not very supportive of me attempting a vba2c. I went looking at other practices only to be told repeatedly that they would not allow me to vba2c since it was too dangerous and I could rupture. Desperate, I contacted the Doulas of ** in January seeking advice about alternative options for bringing this baby into the world. Was home birth something I could consider? Maybe. So I asked about working with a lay midwife who could give me tips for having a natural delivery. I got the name of a woman and we spoke at length about my past pregnancies to which she said she thought she could help me. The Doula's also gave me the name of a Dr. K at M Hospital who was very pro vbac and recommended I speak with him to seek his council.

I made an appointment with Kaminski and after having looked at my post op records, said that he felt I could attempt a vba2c but only because I was double sutured (they sewed my uterine wall twice to make it extra secure). He said I had a 7 out of 10 chance of having a natural delivery, but that the damage that could result if I did rupture would be bad. I decided it was worth the risk, and upon his suggestion, worked with the Midwives at M for my prenatal care, while simultaneously using the lay midwife for the bulk of my prenatal needs. The lay midwife came to my house and spent many hours talking to me about things that were issues from my past as well as problems in the present. She said I had a lot to work through mentally if I was going to have a natural delivery as that, along with hormonal imbalances, was preventing labor. I also went to seek medical help from a chiropractor who worked on correcting my imbalances, which helped me tremendously.

After months of emotional healing, reading an awesome book and getting alternative health treatments,  I really started to believe it could be possible to vba2c, that is, until I had a follow up with Dr. K at my 39 week checkup. He told me that the midwives were divided about my being able to labor and were not all supportive of me going forward with it due to my dehiscence. They didn't know what would happen under my circumstances since so few women have ever attempted a vba2c knowing they also having a window in their uterine wall. I was their guinea pig, so to speak, and they were going to watch me very closely as this was a birth that they would be talking about a lot in the future, whichever way it goes.  I couldn't believe he was telling me this after working with them for months. I felt like they pulled the rug right out from under me. I was so sick of people telling me I was high risk!  Bottom line, he wanted me to know that if something should go wrong, that they weren't to blame.  It was such a blow to my confidence that I felt like I was all alone and fell back into worry. I called my lay midwife and explained all this, only to get an amazing pep talk that filled me once again with the peace of mind knowing that whatever happens will be ok, but that there is more chance of success than failure, esp if I believe it.

A few more weeks came and went until it was my due date May 20th. However, there were no signs of labor and again, I started to worry. Was all this preparation for vbac in vain? Would my body fail me again? Would people tell me I told you so? Would I survive a natural delivery?The thoughts that went through my head were hard. It was the toughest time in my pregnancy. Days went by and still nothing but the usual stretching, until on May 27th I got my first contraction! It was the most wonderful feeling in the world and I couldn't believe my body was actually doing what it was supposed to. Something I was doing was working :-)

My contractions were steady at 40 seconds long every 8 minutes. Sunday night the contractions stopped only to start again the next morning at about the same rate. That night they tapered again but still stayed with me. That morning, the 29th, I had an appointment with the Midwives at Magee for a BPB ultrasound and followup. The ultrasound looked great so baby was in good shape. The midwife, M, saw me and said that I was 3 centimeters dilated and asked if I wanted her to sweep my membranes to get things moving. She did and shortly after started getting stronger contractions, though still at about the same rate. My husband and I walked around the hospital, ate a good sized lunch, and then felt like it was time to admit myself to triage since the pain was strong enough for me to not want to leave. My lay midwife was called in (under the title of my doula) and she, my husband and I waited in the labor room for things to progress. My body was feeling the pain, but it was nothing overwhelming. And then about 3 hours of the same pattern of contractions, the nurse midwife offered to break my sack of water, which I agree to. Immediately, my body went into full transition labor and stayed there for about an hour. It was so painful that I felt like dying, but my lay midwife kept telling me to not give into the fear, to ride the wave and to stay on top of the pain. It could not conquer me, ESP after all I had done to get to this point. It was really a battle between my mind and my body and I had to not let my mind be controlled by that pain, but had to just let the two work together. 

Once I felt the urge to push things really went quickly and within 2 minutes I went from 7 to 10 centimeters and felt my baby coming. Five minutes after that, her head had descended, but she was in distress so they rushed a team of doctors in to prepare to take me for a section and started giving me oxygen, however the midwife told me to push hard to get her out since she was so close to coming out. I pushed with everything I had in me and soon enough, my baby was born! Her apgar was very low so they had to resuscitate her and  i started hemorrhaging  from a severe vaginal and 4 centimeter long  cervical tear. They had to rush me to the OR to start stitching me up, but thankfully it was nothing that would have any permanent damage. They had never seen a tear that bad before and couldn't figure out why it happened, but in the end i was still happy because I had her naturally.  Not the ideal labor, but who ever gets that anyway, right?

So that's my story and I  pray it gives some hope to those of you who are struggling to believe a vbac is possible for you. So many people doubted this could happen and yet, with the right physical and emotional support, along with keeping a positive outlook and praying for God`s help, I got what I wanted. It's so cool to think that I have blazed the trail for other mothers who want to vba2c as well as provide new hope for those who have had dehiscence. All things are possible if you believe! 

Here we go again: a recap of the last three months

My gosh it's been some time since I've been on this thing. OK so since my last post I've had another sweet little baby and she is such a joy! I love her to pieces- she is truly precious and such a good baby. Really I'm not exaggerating. And praise God I even had my natural delivery. I will post a copy of my vbac success story after I write this for those interested. It was such an emotional journey and I fought tooth and nail to get things right with the help of an excellent home birth midwife. But anyway, I don't want to spend a ton of time going into all that. For now I will discuss what has happened to me post partum since that is also when all my mysterious maladies started with my DS. About three months almost to the day from having both my second and now third child, my body started acting up. Ugh. So here's the scoop....

It all began when I got these shooting pains through my breasts between nursings. It felt like a horrible sharp needle going through my chest on both sides. I went to my midwives at the hospital, the ones who delivered my baby girl, and they took a sample of my breast milk to check for yeast, but it all came back normal. However, the pain continued. No one knew what it was and said I had to keep wearing supportive bras. And I was! So no answers there to this day. Then at the beginning of August I got this  terrible rash all over my back, chest, armpits, groin and shoulders. It was a red, blistery like rash that first started under my breast when I started exercising more. I love Spotify and listen to it to get me in the mood to dance this baby fat off. Well, after dancing for a bit and doing my rather intense pilates, I saw this rash and I figured it was heat related, but when it spread all over my torso and got very itchy I started to wonder. I called my home birth  mw and asked her for advice and she said to put corn starch on it (talc powder is bad if inhaled) which I did and that helped for a brief space of time, and then it started to get itchy again. After days of no success ridding it, I went to the Medexpress and they said it was contact dermatitis. What the heck! She said that I was exposed to something new in my environment causing it, even though there was nothing new that I was aware of. She prescribed a steroid/nystatin cream to put on it. I applied it for about 5 days and no more since she said not to let it get in my system given I was nursing. And hurrah, lo and behold, it did go away! I diagnosed it as a yeast infection since that is what it compared to most with the pictures I saw on line, even though she said otherwise. Honestly, what else would spread like that, if not yeast? Oh, it's funny the things I spend my time looking at these days- things I never would have dreamed of when I was young, but then again,  never did I expect my body would have some many damn issues. Anyhow I digress.  So I was good to go with the rash soon disappearing. There was some emotional stuff going on at the time so it's possible that might have rocked my immune system, much like what happened in August 2010. It's my theory, and I think my midwife would agree, that the psyche greatly impacts the body so if I the former is off, the latter will be too.

Moving on then. So the rash came and went. Things were good again, so I thought. A few days after it left me, I started getting nauseous and actually threw up about four times. Where in the world that came from I have no idea. No one was sick so it wasn't viral and I didn't think I was prego so big puzzle there. But then I woke up one morning to this horrible case of vertigo and dizziness (yes, I know they are different and I did have both). When I would walk forward the room would go up and down as though I were walking on water. Then this sense of buzzing in my head came and would not leave me, which was accompanied by throbbing headaches on the sides of my head, near the temples.  I felt like screaming! But I couldn't because I was trying so hard to maintain a sense of peace and order with the children even though inside I was falling apart. I just wanted to yell, "Why am I getting all these weird symptoms so freaking much?!:" I took it easy all day taking care of the three kiddies. Later that day, believe it or not, I got yet another symptom. This time it was tingling feet, legs, arms and hands. It felt like a cold sensation in those areas, though mostly just on my right side, with a numbness similar to what you'd feel when you're body is "falling asleep". While not crippling it was concerning.  The extreme sense of moving up and down as I walked ceased, however I didn't want to ignore what was happening to me so I called my awesome new chiropractor to make an app. He adjusted me and said that my left cortex was weak and recommended I stimulate it my tapping my right side's feet and fingers, smell perfume in my left nostril, and put a vibrator on my right foot and hand to stimulate the nerve endings so to wake up the left side of the brain.  He also said I needed to do cross word puzzles or other mind stimulating games. That wasn't quite what I was expecting him to tell me, however, I tried it and it did little to help.

Then when I am really desperate, where do I turn for help? Facebook and that's what I did.

There is a priest friend of my husbands who also had a lot of mysterious health issues and thought it might be good to touch base with him. (Plus, I could always use the extra prayers even should he not know how to help me.) I found out that he was diagnosed with fibromyalgia and suffered a lot after experiencing a lot of stress. Well, then, it became clear to me that indeed, stress was most likely the source of all this crap. But given I couldn't rid myself of my responsibilities what was I to do? God has given me three children to care for and a husband who I don't always understand, so what was I to do to change my circumstances? Nothing. All I can do is hold on for dear life and pray that I survive.

Now if I  may deviate for a moment:

As I sit hear, I'm listening to Josh Groban's "You are loved" and I remember the first time I heard it- I was a college student at Dayton and we had just entered into the Lenten season. This song made me cry. All I could think of was Christ speaking to me and telling me how He loves me and wants to help me. How ironic that it plays as I write this post. I know I voice my complaints a lot on here because, well, I need a healthy place to do that, but in my heart I know that God is aware of everything I am suffering and is there wanting and waiting to strengthen me. I am not so despondent as to forget that there is happiness after all of this should I suffer this like a good servant. It's just that I wonder if I am not suffering this to help someone else who is struggling to make sense of their singularly bizarre health issues. I don't know, but regardless I need this outlet to express what I'm going through so that I don't lose my mind because some days I worry.

OK deviation over. Back to my original rant.

Alright, so after posting a status about my health how stress can kill I got an interesting reply from the wife of a friend of mine, who also had some post-partum quirkiness  (depression, numbness, weight gain) and advised I look into the paleo diet plan. At first I was skeptical since I was on the candida diet which was next to impossible, and felt like this was not for me, but when I read that they allow you to eat fruit, I was much more open to the idea. Basically, the paleo diet comes from the idea that if we eat like out paleozoic ancestors, our bodies will perform optimally since those foods are what our bodies are made to consume and not any of the processed, or genetically/mechanically modified foods. Whatever. I heard that breastfeeding moms were trying it and having good results so it was safe for me and I thought to give it a go. Well, I am now 5 days strong and I have to say, it has helped! My vertigo is gone, the headaches, the nausea are all gone! The one thing that has yet to go is the tingling hands and feet, but I'm working on that.

I made an appointment to see a local alternative medicine doctor who was offering free consults and he said that all my issues could be pointed back to my pancreas. Given my Dad has type 2 Diabetes I wanted to be sure that there wasn't some of that hitting me. The next day I called my PCP and asked to have a script sent to Quest to have a CBC and Thyroid test done to see if everything was ok. As was expected, all was good. So per the advice of my Mom, I had an appointment with a local endocrinologist to see if she thought I was having early signs of diabetes. That was yesterday, and the doc said she didn't think it likely, but drew some blood to be sure. Tomorrow I go to see a rheumatologist to check for anything autoimmune related. Please God this is just a passing thing and I'll be back to normal soon enough. God's will be done. More importantly, I have to work on bringing balance into my life. Like Mr. Miagi says, "Got to learn balance. Balance is key.  Balance is good..."While I'm no Buddhist, I do think there is something right in that. It's when my life is out of balance that all else goes to pot. So Mr. Miagi, following your advice, here's my next step, take karate!  ;-) Well, not really, just aerobic dance and start getting back to doing the things I love. Being a mom doesn't mean not being me, just being a better me for those I love, but that means making sure I have time for myself too. So we'll see how things go next week. So for now, ciao!

PS- Please feel free to post your own experiences on here. I would love to share notes!