Blood Results

I got a call from my doc's receptionist and she told me that I have elevated cortisol levels and need to get on more thyroid as well as something called Phosphatidylserine. This drug is suppose to help lower the cortisol to that it doesn't reek havoc on my immune system, raise my blood pressure, make me gain weight, essentially do a ton of crap to my body. I asked this lady if I should get off the Imunovir since that was what Dr. Pierotti thought did this me (thanks a lot!) and I have yet to hear back from him. In the meantime, I've been reading a lot of websites that talk about this issue and there are conflicting opinions about what you're suppose to eat with this condition. Some say stay away from all fatty meats and others say they're ok. I put off eating for as long as I could (bad idea) hoping to get a call from Dr. P yet my body was starting to get shaky so I ate some Tinkyada macaroni and meatballs. My body needs something for fuel and feel like this is fine for now.
You know, I am so pissed off that this Imunovir knocked my adrenals like this. I feel like this doctor is playing with my body, assuming that it won't do anything odd, and yet when it does, he just tells his secretary to call me with what I need to buy next to take care of that. That is not enough for me!! I'm so sick of being someone's guinea pig and want something that will help me, not hurt me!! Why God, why is this happening? I just want to cry and yet if I do, I feel like my adrenals are going to get worse. What the hell, if I'm going to die there is nothing that I can do to stop it, but dear God I am scared. I am tired of living like this and not spending the time I have with my children. I feel like I'm being robbed of my motherhood by these ailments and have no one to fix the problem.
On a side note, I spoke to my father today. It's always hard to talk to him. We are growing apart more and more as I get older. He never wants to talk about anything important, just a lot of BS. He was never a devout person and probably always thought I was a fanatic for being a fervent Catholic- I know he thought my mother was. But given the fact that my father is so superficial and can't stand to discuss anything of depth or  of a more serious matter with me, I feel like saying, "Dad, I really don't want to talk to you unless you are ready to talk about things that matter. I am fed up with hearing about the weather or Jeff and Amy or whatever mindless drivel you want to talk about just to fill the time. How about we actually get to the heart of what's been going on in my life and in my heart for years now? How about you hear the pain that I've been suffering not having a father to talk to or a father that I feel I can open my heart to and who will love me and encourage me? How about you hear the fact that I feel as though I'm dying and have so little time left with my children!"
Do I have issues, yes, but at least I'm trying to get them out. Maybe the problem with me is that I've been holding in so much for too long. I've gone to counselors but they did little to help me. What I need is a friend to talk to who can show me they care. That does more for me than any counselor could ever do, because they are only there to listen and then take my money. Why the hell should I do that anymore? I think the only way I would ever go to a doc is if I knew they were a congitive behavioral psychiatrist. And the good ones are hard to come by around here. I only want one who is Catholic since the story of my life would make no sense to anyone save a Catholic. If it is in God's plan for me to find such a support who will actually help me than I would be open to going, but that day has yet to come. For now, I have to make the best of this difficult situation and pray that I can stay afloat with God's grace. Please God, heal me!