Something's DIfferent

Like my blog title states, something is different and I'm not exactly sure why save for the fact that God has intervened. As I mentioned last week, I received the anointing of the sick on Sunday and, though I'd been told that it can help people, I wasn't expecting anything to really change. Well, I should have had more faith in God's endless mercy! These past seven days have been better than they've been in a long time. Many of the weird symptoms seem to be gone. The tingling hands and feet sensation is even dissipating, which I never thought would go away.
I did get to this alternative doctor last Monday and brought my blood work with me from Dr. J (my Lyme doctor who I'll now be seeing Nov 12th! one month sooner than anticipated :) and she said she didn't think I needed to be put on any bio-identical thyroid since my thyroid level wasn't that low, and didn't want to give me thyroid when I didn't need it because having too much of it can cause its own side effects. She is suspicious I might be having a reverse T3 problem, which doesn't show up on routine blood tests, and advised I get blood drawn in three weeks to see if my thyroid count gets better or worse. For now she simply said to eat more egg yolks (high in vitamin A) and to put iodine on my wrists overnight so my body could absorb it in small doses to help support my thyroid. We ended our session with her giving me an injection of vitamin B complex to increase my energy and support my adrenals in case they were being taxed. Interestingly, she's suspicious that my issues could be related to the fact that I'm breastfeeding, but couldn't say for sure, and was willing to admit she couldn't give me a diagnosis for what was causing my problems, but wanted to keep an eye on me. She suspects much of what I'm experiencing is oddly related somehow, but my ailments are not her specialization and she gave me the best advice she could offer given her experience. And for that, I greatly respect her.
I can't tell you how much I loved this doctor. She was the first doctor I've met who agreed with so much of what I believe regarding treating illnesses (i.e. through lifestyle changes, using natural methods of supplementation over drugs, not blindly prescribing a medication for a problem, admitting when you don't know the cause of a problem, etc). It was a breath of fresh air meeting her and I would love to go to her more often since, get this, she takes insurance! Unfortunately, she isn't close and it took me nearly an hour to get to her office and even longer to get home since I have to drive through the city to get there. AnyhowI'm happy to know where to find her when I need her.
But it's hard to believe that so many of my symptoms have gone away merely because she gave me a shot of B vitamins. It's not something I'm too familiar with, so maybe that's all I needed, but I've got to say, it's been so nice to feel well again! God be praised! I'm almost afraid to think that I am well since I've had my hopes raised in the past only to have them falsified, but perhaps this time things will be different :)
I am currently reading a book by Suzanne Somers called "Bombshell" and I recommend you get yourself a copy. She's collected information obtained through interviews she performed from some of the best alternative, anti-aging doctors from around the country and compiled them into this addictive little liber. It's funny because some of the secrets they reveal about taking various supplements for this or that ailment or for adrenal, or thyroid, or brain support, I've already taken. Some of these include Pregnenelone and DHEA. The one that I had not heard of is CoQ10. The thing I don't know though is if I should get back to taking them once I'm not breastfeeding. I'll probably wait and see how I'm feeling at that time and then decide. Anyhow, I'm not quite done with the book, but she is helping many people get well from the myriad of problems they're facing that traditional docs don't have answers for. Sadly these alternative docs don't get the respect that the former docs get since what they do is often not recommended by the FDA because well, they don't prescribe drugs left and right, but rather treat people without the aid of pharmaceutical drugs. Heaven forbid pharmaceutical companies don't get a kick back from every doctor!
The one caveat I offer to the  book is that Suzanne is obsessed with living really long and trying to get humans to live over 100 and still look "young". I think it's all a little extreme because well, this isn't our eternal home and in some ways, the faster we get off this messed up planet the better. Not that I'm looking for that to happen just yet, but I don't agree that one should desire to live and look 20 when you're 90 because there is something in the world of physics called entropy, which means that all things begin to break down and decay over time and given we are a part of matter, so too will we age and decay and break down over time. I had to laugh when she spoke about Jack Lalanne dying so young at age 96 and complained how he should have lived longer. At that point I had to skim the page since I think she's forgetting why we're on this planet in the first place. It isn't to live forever. I don't want to discourage anyone from reading her book since it is full of some rather insightful information and could help those of you out there looking for more answers, however, I felt the need to give that warning.
Other than that, I had a lovely week of spending time with my children and getting out and playing in the beautiful autumnal leaves as much as I can since we're having a beautiful fall out our way and am trying to soak in as much Vitamin D as I can. Totally hate dealing with SAD!
Well, I need to get off this thing; it's getting late and I've been pulling late nights nearly every night so I should try and rest. They say the best way to restore hormone imbalance is through sleeping :) So off I go. Good night everyone and may God bless you!

Facing Fear

My husband is out for the night so I have a moment to write, with baby in arm mind you, but will try to get as much out before I get tired of typing with one hand. These last two days have been a little scary for me. The tingling in my hands and feet have now turned into a numbing feeling that has extended to my mouth and jaw. It's the strangest feeling and rather disturbing actually. This dizziness is also becoming stronger and though I'm trying so hard to distract myself from the odd sensations I'm experiencing, it's hard to ignore. I have an appointment on Monday to see an alternative doc who works with anti-aging herbs and supplements and will hopefully check my hormones to see about getting them back in order since I assume they're imbalanced.

We had a busy weekend though which helped my morale and thank God for that. My husband's co- worker had an Octoberfest party that we all attended last night and I had a lovely time hanging out with his guests. Very nice people and yes, they were Italian which is always a plus for me :) Anyway, last night I had a cathartic moment and needed to cry. There are moments when the weariness of always feeling unwell is just too much to bear and yesterday was one of them. It could be exacerbated by the fact that my prayer life is struggling right now because whenever I have a heart to heart with God, and by that I mean getting into real mental prayer and opening up my soul to that first mansion that St. Theresa speaks of, I find I am scared to go to Him, and I am trying desperately to discern why. It's as though the thought that God loves me pushes me away from Him since I don't know how to really believe it with all the things I've had to deal with in my life. I know everyone has their crosses, and that I am just one of the millions of people who has to carry theirs, but the desire for closeness with the One who is allowing them to weigh upon me is difficult. I am afraid of His love when it demands I suffer so much. Perhaps that is wrong of me to say, but it's the truth. Believe me, I want to love God, and I want to get to heaven, but I don't know how it's possible to achieve being so weak and so intimidated by what it requires of me. If I have to live with this mysterious illness for the rest of my life, it will be hard and I pray that God will strengthen me to follow His will, but some days I don't know how I will. It gets depressing having one thing happen after another. I'm only 32 and feel like I'm 60. The brain fog is getting worse and I fight to remember things I was talking about just seconds ago. It bothers me terribly.

Today at our local church they were offering the sacrament of the anointing of the sick. I felt driven to attend since I figured I am sick, despite the fact that I don't know what it is that's making me feel this way, and need all the help I can get, whether physical or spiritual. It was a very moving experience and very humbling as well. I am not one who likes to stand out in a crowd, but today it was hard for me not to. This spirit of sadness and fear and longing for God's help welled up from deep inside me, causing me to weep so intensely thus making it hard for me to appear discreet. I just wanted to bury my head in the floor and disappear, however this time I couldn't. Some dear woman saw me upset and came over to tell me she saw me praying intently and wanted me to know she was praying for me and for whatever was troubling me. I was so touched and wanted to take her and hold her close to me, but that would have been weird for her so I didn't. But it meant more than she will ever know, knowing that she cared enough to pray for me and to tell me too. God bless that sweet woman.

A few minutes passed and the priest called everyone up to the altar and had us offer some intercessory prayers and then we lined up as though we were receiving communion and he anointed our forehead and palms. It was a very simple thing, yet I felt so comforted by it and pray that should I not be healed physically, that I at least be given the strength to walk with Him in peace and resignation, knowing that  whatever happens to me, whatever bothersome things I have to endure, that He is with me helping me every day to face it with Him.

By no coincidence, later this afternoon, my husband and I attended our local symphony's production of Mozart's "Requiem Mass". It was so beautifully dark and full of passion and haunting melodies. This music reached somewhere so deep within my soul it was almost a supernatural experience for me-- again another reason why I cry at concerts, or anywhere I hear exceptionally beautiful music. I try to surround myself with these ethereal arrangements of music to remind me, and to instruct my children, that in all things beautiful we can find a little piece of God. I want them to always remember me as a mother who gave them beauty in all it's many varieties. For without beauty, we are cold and sterile and bereft of the joys of the heart and that is not what I want for my children.

Anyhow, getting back to the concert, I found it interesting that the program commented on Death and how we have become a society afraid of Death, a reality that Mozart went so far as to call his "best friend". He said that he'd became so familiar with Death that he no longer feared her, but welcomed her whenever she would come for him. How far we are from this state of mind! I confess that I myself am a victim of fear of Death- why I started getting anxiety attacks at age 9 when my hamster died. I know she is not to be feared if we are in friendship with God, but I think therein lies the problem; so many of us are not working on building that friendship. We get lost in the routine of life and lose sight of the goal, i.e. eternal happiness and union with our Creator.

From my perspective, I think I would not fear Death so much if, as I told God today, I didn't have children. See, I worry about them, and I wonder if I will be there for them when they are older, like my mother has been for me. But like I've been told before, everything is a gift and nothing is ours, not even our children. God can take care of them without me, and though this is a hard thing to consider, it's true. Many people have lost their parents at young ages. Mozart, and even the conductor of this orchestra, lost their mothers at a  young age. While it's not ideal, it's something I have to be open to. All of us with children have to be open to that. Eternity is our home and we have to remember that. Why do we cling so much to this fallen world? The unknown is scary for us, and I for one am someone who struggles doing anything unfamiliar or unplanned. But in my heart I know there is going to be a journey I will have to take to a place I do not know and where no one can go with me. It's a frightening thought, but I have to make an act of faith and hope in the God that I, in my mind, know loves me, but who I fight to let get closer to me. Why must love be so painful for me to embrace? To want and not want. To desire and yet be afraid to get too close. Lord, break these fears that hold me back from You! Fix this broken vessel you've created. Help me be what you desire and to walk blindly in the shadow of Your cross.

Thanks for listening to me emote this evening. It's been a difficult couple days. Blessings upon you all. Good night.

Lyme to me

So I've been trying to get an idea as to whether or not I have Lyme or if I'm dealing with anothe viral infection that's mirroring Lyme and it's driving me crazy. Because now I've discovered that I can give Lyme to my baby through breast feeding and that's pretty darn serious. Needless to say the drama continues.

See these past ten days I've continued to have a lot of weird things. This time, however, I got different symptoms which include: tooth pains; severe neck, shoulder and back pains; some slight light headedness if I tilt my head; and a new rash on my foot.  I'm continuing to stay on the paleo diet though it doesn't seem to be doing anything to improve my symptoms. I still get headaches and while I have cheated on occasion it hasn't really made that much of a difference from when I've been off it from when I've been on it. I do notice that I get abdominal pains after I eat glutenous foods, so I'm trying to avoid those at all costs, but as a substitute I've been eating corn chips and potato chips from time to time just to save me from a crash moment. But going back to the neck aches, it seems to be going further up my neck almost into my skull. When I move my head sharply it feels like a sharp pain going right up my head. I called my chiro to ask what they thought it could be and they said a pinched nerve, and I hope he is right.

The strange thing is that I went to my chiro just last week and had a decent session, but I didn't feel like I was adjusted fully since, when I went home, my shoulder hurt as much as it did before I left. He was focusing mostly on my gallbladder and though that's fine and good, I wish he massaged my shoulder more. Anyway, I need to go to another chiro that's closer so I don't have to drive 30 minutes all the time to get realigned. As an aside, BCBS of PA is now limiting my chiro visits to only 8 a year down from 12 and anything over 8 they need to receive an explanation from my doctor that tells them why I need to continue getting adjusted and if they don't feel it's necessary, then I have to pay $40 per visit. It's outrageous what's happening to health care. They're trying so hard to cut back spending and yet they're going after one of the few areas of modern medicine that's helping restore people's health and not merely giving people bandaids or drugs to help them think they're better. Absolute insanity. Don't get me wrong, I believe medicine has its place, but I think more people would be better served to have their bodies detoxified and be given things (i.e. supplements) and foods that would naturally restore their health. 

Anyhow, one thing I've noticed is that I always have a tough time keeping my adjustment. When I was seeing the NUCCA doc, I would constantly lose my adjustment , and I mean a day or two from being seen. which I couldn't understand since I wan't doing anything strenuous. When I'd ask him why it was happening, he just said it was my body and there was no way of knowing for sure. Great.  All I can say is that right now I am in a lot more pain in my back and neck than I've been in over a year and don't know why. Is it Lyme related or simply due to being out of alignment? Big question mark right now and I wish I had more answers since arthritic pain in the neck and shoulders is a huge red flag for people who have early stages of Lyme. 

And this brings me back to what I said earlier. Do I or don't I continue breastfeeding? I've read horrible testimonies about mom's who've done this and have felt terrible all their lives because of it. I do not want to be one of those people. I did talk to my kids pediatrician and asked him to have my kids tested and thank God they all came back negative, however, is that reliable or not? How does anyone know for sure if they have it? AHH!

The blood tests are so hard to trust and that makes the whole situation so hard to judge! With my having a positive on the ELISA, I read that it is possible to get a false positive if:

The antibodies to the infectious organism triggering the antibodies are not the Lyme spirochetes. Other organisms that can trigger such antibodies include syphilis and relapsing fever. Dental infections may trigger a false positive response.

The patient may have been infected with Lyme disease previously and harbor antibodies to the disease."                                                                                                                  Taken from here

So what I don't understand is if I've had Lyme before how can I not have it now since I was never treated for it? And if I don't have Lyme, then I might have one of the other mentioned issues which I'm pretty sure I don't have so does that mean since I don't have any of those issues that I do have Lyme? Who knows!?

I got the script for a ton of blood work from the one traditional doc in Hermitage that I was going to go to, (changed it since the earliest I could see him was in December so I switched it to this other Indian doc aforementioned) and had all the testing done. Those results were looked at today by another local homeopathic doc who said that I do not have Lyme since my West. Blot was negative. However it came to my attention that this Hermitage doctor doesn't test for Lyme using the ELISA so, again, I don't know what to think. The girl on the phone told me that my thyroid was low and should have that treated. That I'll likely go to a new PCP for. I'm ditching the last lady.  

Oh and before I forget, I want to take a moment to promote a documentary I recently discovered that exposes the controversy surrounding Lyme disease. It is very eye opening and I encourage everyone to watch it. You can find it on Netflix watch it now. The trailer is below.

 Well, I am getting sleepy so I need to sign off. I hope to have some answers to all of this soon. It will be good to finally be seen come the end of the month. I just want to someone to give me an explanation for all these maddening health mysterious. It's enough to drive one to drink, which I would if only I knew it wouldn't cause me to get worse ;) Tata for now. Ciao!